I burst into song at mere mention of Highway 704

Before the death of regionalism, when we were worried that King County’s notorious bickering would screw up the next regional road and transit package, Pierce County was a leader in making things work.

But that was then, before Pierce County Executive John Ladenburg and a majority of the County Council decided to go to the mattresses over a proposed highway that most people hadn’t thought much about. Friday’s shaky compromise looks like a fig leaf – covering up what is still a lot of disagreement over Highway 704 – a road that would snake between McChord Air Force Base and Fort Lewis. It allows Ladenburg and the County Council to lift their threat to kill a regional road package known as RTID.

Now, everyone can pretend they won – at least until after the package is voted on this November. Then the argument can be called “mediation.”

It’s part tragedy, part sitcom. Or maybe it would be better presented through the wonderful gift of song. As a public service, here are some offerings for “RTID – The Musical.”

“Cross-base Road”

(sung by a Frederickson commuter to the tune of “Country Roads”)

Almost home now, East Pierce County.

There’s the mountain

Feeding all the rivers.

I left home when, leaves were on the trees.

Are those tiny snowflakes, blowing in the breeze?

Cross-base road, take me home

To my house, and the dog

To my children, and their momma

Take me home, cross-base road.

All my pre-sets, programmed to them

Traffic ladies, in their helicopters.

There’s a backup, half-way to I-5.

When she says, “Expect Delays”

Teardrops in my eyes.

Cross-base road, take me home

To those beers, I desire.

Silver bullets, mountain freshness

Take me home, cross-base road.

I hear her voice

In the hearing room she calls out.

Audubon reminds me that my job’s far away.

Crawlin’ down this road I get the feelin’

That I should have moved out yesterday, yesterday

Cross-base road, take me home

To my bed, and my sheets.

For my night’s sleep, all four hours,

Take me home, cross-base road.

“Route Seven-O-Four”

(sung by John Ladenburg to the tune of “Route 66”)

If you ever have hopes to move your car;

Then it’s my way or the highway, I’m the Czar.

I’m hardcore, for Route Seven-O-Four.

It winds from Route 7 to I-5

I get cross-base, or the RTID won’t survive.

I’m at war, for Route Seven-O-Four.

You could go from Lipoma, to south of Tacoma.

That’s the little city that’s oh, so gritty.

You’ll see Ponders Corner,

Tillicum, Spanaway.

Forget about those oak trees,

Council’s voting with me

Goings, Gelman, Bush and Terry Lee.

If you want to cut your morning trip

Don’t make the cross-base a poker chip.

Don’t ignore, my Route Seven-O-Four.

So please, get hip to this timely tip:

It does not take a lot for me to flip.

Hear me roar, for Route Seven-O-Four

Peter Callaghan: 253-597-8657

peter.callaghan@thenewstribune.com