Now that the primary is completed, we can all look forward to a fall campaign that will be waged mostly on TV.
Speeches and handshaking are what candidates do when they’re not raising money to buy TV ads. Lately we also get the pleasure of watching ads produced by so-called independent expenditure campaigns.
These are mostly negative-ad campaigns by groups that are technically independent of the candidates. That way they can spend what they want and say what they want without tarnishing their favored politicians.
Think Swift Boat Veterans for Truth and MoveOn.
What better way to celebrate such joyful manifestations of American politics than with song? Today we present the debut of “IE – The Musical.”
“Summertime”
(sung to the candidate by a political action committee executive, with apologies to Gershwin)
It’s summertime
And the TV is sleazy
With dirty ads
’Cause votin’ is nigh
My PAC is rich
And my spokesman’s good lookin’
So you take the high road
Let us lie
Tonight during prime time
We’re gonna come out slingin’
We’ll spread the mud
’Til it reaches my thigh
But until then
You can say you know nothing
You and your campaign can stay sweeter than pie
Our ads will claim
Our opponents are Satan
If they win
Small children will die
They’ll tax the rich
The books they’ll be cookin’
We’ll accuse them of more crimes
They’ll have to deny
It’s summertime
And the voters are queasy
You’re out stumpin’
The stakes are sky high
I’ll make a pitch
I’ll raise money in buckets
I’m flush, little baby
So let me lie.
“Every Vote You Take”
(sung to the other candidate by the opposition research department, with apologies to Sting)
Every vote you take
All the cash you make
Every pledge you break; every step you take
We’ll be watching you.
Did you ever stray?
Is your sister gay?
Have you ever prayed? Were those bribes you paid?
We’ll be watching you.
Oh can’t you see
You’re no longer free
To say the things you think
To share a friendly drink
’Cause every check you take
Every rule you break
Every friend you make; every tax mistake
We’ll be watching you.
Since you ran, since you jumped into this race
We’re on TV, our ads are a disgrace
We tell the voters it’s you they must replace
Your reputation is what we will debase
We keep trying, lying, crying wolf
From the time you wake
’Til the sleep you take
TV will make you ache;
The mail will make you quake
’Cause we’re watching you.
Peter Callaghan: 253-597-8657
peter.callaghan@thenewstribune.com
blogs.thenewstribune.com/politics
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