For lazy columnists, Chris Gregoire is like the neighbor you always count on to drop a king-size Snickers in your sack. How sweetly predictable to have a governor who picks goofy costumes every October.
In some states, goobers are such larger-than-life figures that people wear Halloween costumes of them. (Sarah Palin in pageant pumps, Arnold Schwarzenegger pumping iron and Eliot Spitzer in leg irons.)
But Gregoire likes to disguise her identity this one evening each year. (Though her real kisser will still show up on our TV every 3.8 seconds.)
This year she’ll greet trick-or-treaters as bilingual adventuress Dora the Explorer. Hubby Mike will co-star as Dora’s sidekick, Boots the Monkey.
A character who wears nothing but shiny red boots? We’ve attended parties where this would be a hit.
But the guv’s handlers might want to keep the first fella from answering the door at the mansion.
The Dora get-up is a shameless attempt to appeal to two key demographics, according to a Seattle P-I blogger: Hispanics and first-graders.
Gosh, that seems cynical. That’d be like saying then-Gov. Gary Locke was pandering to The Evergreen State College voters the time he dressed up as Shaggy from “Scooby Doo.”
And now an unpaid political message. Cue creepy background music:
“Dora the Explorer REALLY WANTS YOU to believe she deserves another four years in power.
“But do you REALLY know what’s in her talking purple backpack? Should we ask if it’s stuffed with CASH FROM TRIBAL CASINOS?
“If that map of hers is REALLY magical, why can’t she use it to find 1,300 MISSING SEX OFFENDERS?
“And what if we told you Dora’s REALLY cute cousin Diego was detained at the border for IMMIGRATION VIOLATIONS?
“Can you trust a leader whose constant companion NEVER WEARS PANTS? Or who will appoint a spineless crony to the Supreme Court who has major UNDERWEAR ISSUES?
“It’s time for REAL change. Reject the entrenched Nickelodeon Party incumbent. Vote for the UNDERDOG.”
Paid for by Committee to Elect Cartoon Characters with a Moral Backbone.
Dino Rossi would’ve been a natch as Swiper the Fox, who is Dora’s no-quit nemesis. Alas, Rossi had other plans, so the part of Swiper went to the Gregoires’ dog, Trooper.
Rossi’s spokeswoman says he’ll take his kids trick-or-treating. (Aka, free candy handouts for the wealthy.)
He won’t be in costume, though he joked with some of his peeps that maybe he should go as the governor.
Sounds like the scariest drag queen Sammamish has ever seen.
One non-Halloween item: Appearing before the Tacoma City Council earlier this month was Denise Dyer, Pierce County economic development director. She was looking ahead to the two big-deal golf events coming to Chambers Bay – the 2010 U.S. Amateur and the 2015 U.S. Open.
To impress all the visitors sleeping over in T-Town, she said, there are some parts of the city that need work.
“A hotelier asked if I could provide a map to the course that didn’t use 56th, and I said, ‘That’s the most direct route.’ And he said, ‘It’s not the most attractive.’”
We had no idea 56th was such a pit, but apparently city poobahs agree with Dyer. Several nodded knowingly.
So either South Tacoma will get an expensive makeover, or golf tourists will be routed through neighborhoods declared attractive enough.
Perhaps Gig Harbor.
Got news for The Nose? Call 253-597-8742, Ext. NOSE (6673) or write TheNose@thenewstribune.com.
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