What costume should Tacoma School District bosses wear today? A gigantic dinosaur gets our vote.
Before long, the School Board will be prowling your doorstep – trick or treat! – after deciding last week to hit up voters for the first $300 million in a planned $1.2 billion building blitz.
The brain trust must have missed this little thing called a recession. They also must be suffering from a case of catchy-acronym blindness.
They’re calling the overall package “T-REX,” short for the Tacoma Renewal and Excellence Program.
A small-brained tyrant lizard that will arbitrarily devour your flesh, slurp your lifeblood and leave only a carcass for your inheritors. Perfect.
Their campaign slogan could be: This Bites.
Voters next March will be asked to approve the first phase of T-REX. Instead, they’ll likely do what people have done when faced with a tyrannosaur since Steven Spielberg’s “Jurassic Park” and, before that, Sid and Marty Krofft’s “Land of the Lost.”
Run away screaming.
Ahhh, election night. The most wonderful time of the year for us ink-stained wretches. The adrenaline of deadline, the anticipation that months of madness will end in a few hours.
Except this year they won’t. The outcome will stretch out over several days. Like the 2008 World Series.
So with all due respect to Pierce County Auditor Pat McCarthy – and the thrill of waiting for her to launch a computer algorithm to count ranked-choice ballots – we’ll need other juicy news Tuesday night to fill the paper.
Stories we’d like to write:
• McGruff the Crime Dog vanishes en route to Attorney General Rob McKenna’s victory bash. Empty fur suit found floating in Chambers Bay. John Ladenburg denies involvement.
• McCarthy breaks a nail while using paper cutter to remove her name from thousands of voter surveys.
• Gangs of Chris Gregoire and Dino Rossi lawyers meet in Olympia for pre-lawsuit rumble. “I showed my briefs to your wife last night!” one shouts. “Aw, go depose yourself!” another yells. Staredown ensues.
• Tim Eyman is a no-show at his I-985 campaign party; he blames nonsynchronized traffic signals.
Question for the presidential frontrunner: If we promise to vote for you, will you go away for a while?
Barack Obama burnout is upon us. A few minutes into his Wednesday infomercial, we got a robocall from Sen. Maria Cantwell, urging a vote for Obama and Gregoire. You’d think they’d try to prevent the distraction.
All this kept us from watching “The Daily Show.” Jon Stewart’s guest by satellite that night? Obama.
It’s time for a new campaign theme song: “Barack Around the Clock.”
We’re worried about Calvin Goings. Almost three weeks have passed since he issued a breathless warning that builders were about to unleash a torrent of negative ads to hurt his bid for Pierce County executive.
Today, crickets are chirping.
Some might see this as proof that Goings’ rhetoric was overblown. Not us. Each day that passes only fuels our anxiety. Those hammer swingers must be saving up for something superbad.
Like releasing the thank-you notes Goings wrote when he sought their endorsement.
Give this much to U-Dub coach Ty Willingham. When he accepted a delayed resignation, at least he signed on for a few more weeks of honest work.
Futile, yes. Humiliating, certainly. But honest nevertheless.
The same can’t be said for that high school teacher in Fife who sent sleazy text messages to at least one teen girl. He gets to cash checks until his resignation kicks in Jan. 23, even though he hasn’t worked since October 2007.
Maybe school honchos had to kowtow to due-process requirements. Or maybe they wanted to help a registered text offender pay his Christmas bills.
Whatever. If The Nose ran the world, Mr. Speedy Thumbs would’ve gotten a text from us many months ago: “U R Fired!”
Got news for The Nose? Call 253- 597- 8742, Ext. NOSE (6673) or write TheNose@thenewstribune.com.
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