Let’s give a big Christmas cheer to the people who are pushing passionately toward one noble goal: a Pierce County free of unwanted ankle-scratchers, tush-sniffers and tail-chasers.
No, we don’t mean the Sheriff’s Department vice squad. We’re talking about spay-and-neuter evangelists.
They preach a vital message: More than 8,000 animals were needlessly put down in the county last year.
We love them because they, like us, realize the planet has too many cats. The difference is that we think “too many” equals one: the clueless clawbeast who’s likely playing tetherball with our tree ornaments right now.
What say we have him neutered again. Knock him down a few pegs.
We also love these folks for their tacky sense of humor. To wit, the Peninsula spay/neuter group that holds an annual “spay-ghetti” fundraising dinner under the title: “It’s hip to snip!”
Now the Coalition:Humane clinic, which opened in March, is celebrating its first Christmas in Tacoma with a $5-off special for male cats and dogs.
It’s called “Deck the Balls.” One of the group’s veterinary assistants conceived the name. Call 253-627-SPAY to find out more about the discount.
We’ll let you write your own fa-la-la-la-lyrics. Ours wouldn’t pass the censors. Suffice it to say “collie” rhymes with “holly.”
The other night al-Qatta took a break from his feline reign of terror at the Nose estate to watch some TV.
Caught him staring wistfully at a commercial. Not chia pet. Viagra.
We’d been wracking our brain to decide who our new Pierce County assessor-treasurer most resembles. Dale Washam sort of looks like any number of politicians in the silver fox club: e.g., U.S. Rep. Dave Reichert or state Sen. Mike Carrell.
But the ranked-choice-voting pinup boy is a dead ringer for that guy in the “Airplane” and “Naked Gun” flicks.
“Surely, you can’t be serious,” a naysayer might say.
We are serious. And don’t call us Shirley.
Now that Pierce County will be sole owner of the County-City Building – an edifice as drab as its name – what should we call it? The County-County Building?
Point Defiance zoobies don’t want taxpayers to know the inmates are running the asylum. So don’t expect them to reveal the real reasons they’re closing two days a week this winter:
• In-service “waiver” days for Asian Sanctuary critters.
• E.T. the Walrus wants more “me time” with pinniped hotties Basilla and Joan.
• Meerkat union holds informational pickets after hearing what Boeing workers and Tacoma cops got in their new labor contracts.
• Monkeys need to practice poop-flinging skills.
• Naked mole rats tired of exploitation, demand G-strings and pasties.
• Polar bears Kenneth and Boris stunned, need some space, after learning truth: Dumb humans banging on glass are not the ones on display.
Goodbye, AC/DC intro music. Hello, more mariachi music.
The Mariners traded erstwhile sure-thing closer J.J. Putz on Wednesday for a crop of players, mostly Latin.
Say what you will, but this move by General Manager Jack Zduriencik (Zur-EN-zik) and Manager Don Wakamatsu (Wah-kuh-MAH-tzu) to get rid of Putz, Sean Green and Jeremy Reed smacks of discrimination.
Against dudes with easy one-syllable names.
Egg on our schnoz: Two weeks ago, we zinged the Tacoma School District for misspelling several people on a list of potential names for a new school.
We caught that officials botched the last name of the Rev. Earnest S. Brazill. But we missed that they flubbed his first name, too.
Please accept our ernest apology.
Got news for The Nose? Call 253-597-8742, Ext. NOSE (6673) or write TheNose@thenewstribune.com.
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