Fair starts today - Advice on how to do the Puyallup

The Puyallup Fair is back for its 111th go-round, starting today. About 2,000 employees are hard at work on the 169-acre site that hosts the state’s largest single annual-attraction and one of the world’s biggest fairs.

With an event this big, there is truly something for everyone. Here are our recommendations for don’t-miss attractions, depending on who you are.

The Veteran

You have an attendance record so perfect they should name a cow after you. You know when to go, who slathers the scones with extra butter and where to find the best seat in the grandstand. You’re the one others go to for advice.

Free admission: Since you’re a veteran, you know that if you enter between 10 a.m. and noon today, you’ll receive free gate admission. And your 18-and-younger family members get in free Saturday and Sunday as well.

A touch of magic: It just wouldn’t be a fair without Danny Vernon and his “Illusion of Elvis” act and master hypnotist Tina Marie. Both will be on the Coca-Cola stage multiple times daily. Vernon performs through Sunday and Marie through Sept. 18. All performances are free.

Scone centennial: We know you skip breakfast and head straight to one of the Fisher Fair Scone booths. Fisher is the Cadillac of Fair classics since it turned 100 in June, and it predicts it will serve its 100 millionth Fair Scone sometime during the Fair’s run. Correctly guess what day and time it’ll be ordered, and you will receive $1,000 and enough scone mix to last a year. Better yet, you might be the person who orders it.

The slide: Last year 71,000 butts (and a few stomachs and sides) slid down the Giant Slide. We know yours was one of them. It doesn’t matter how old you are – that big slide brings out the kid in all of us.

Baaa: There’s no lack of furry and feathered creatures to get up close and personal with. But over the years you’ve narrowed it down to that classic meet-up of man versus beast. OK, more like small children riding sheep. There are few things as amusing, at times heart stopping, than to see 5-year-olds hanging on to wool as tightly as they can in the mutton bustin’ competitions.

– Craig Sailor

The Newbie

You’re new to the area. You just came out of a years-long coma. You thought Puyallup was in Iowa all this time. Whatever the reason, you’re coming to the Fair for the first time this year. Here’s what not to miss and some new things to impress your friends with.

Get in free: Maybe you’re new to the fair because you’ve just been stationed at Joint Base Lewis-McChord. You’ll want to head to the Fair on one or both of the Military Mondays – it’ll be free for you.

Waaaaaaah: You’ll hear the Extreme Scream before you even see it: just follow the frightful cries to your rite of passage. The regular price is $10.50 but you can save $3 if you ride Mondays – Thursdays (Sept. 12-15 and 19-22).

Great pumpkins: The fruits and vegetable displays are works of art but let’s face it: We’re Americans and we like our stuff big. And there’s nothing more massive than the competitive giant pumpkins. Last year’s winner, grown by Robin Halbert of Enumclaw, weighed in at 994.5 pounds.

Good eats: The multitude of things battered and thrown in a deep fryer at the fair are legendary and sometimes fear-inducing. But a new taste is coming this year: curry. Curry Cousin will offer its namesake dish (the curry, not the cousin) from around the world, including Jamaica, Africa, Nepal, Malaysia and Singapore with veggie, fish and chicken options.

Embrace tradition: As big as the fair is, nothing makes it seem quite so homey as the blue ribbons hanging from the Home Arts exhibits for baking, sewing, table setting, etc. And don’t forget the Hobby Hall. You might leave with a new pastime.

– Craig Sailor

The Family

You go to the fair because it’s tradition. Who doesn’t remember getting nauseous your first time on the Scrambler? Now, you pack up the kids, along with their free tickets from school and a wad of cash, and head out for a day’s adventure of rides, treats and lots of walking.

Here is how you should spend your day:

Animals: It seems as if it is a requirement for every family to stop and see the mommy pig with all her piglets. Keep going to the Fair Farm to pet bunnies, goats, chicks and attract who-knows-what kind of germs. Hand sanitizer is to the left!

Rides: If you’re accompanied by the toddler set, you’re bound for Sillyville. But there are few better fair memories than taking your child for that first ride on the rollercoaster.

Entertainment: Take advantage of free shows such as Let’s Pretend Farm Time in Sillyville. They give you a chance to rest while keeping the young ones entertained.

Let’s go fishing: Your second-to-last stop, before getting scones to take home, should be the trout pond in the Northwest Outdoors Building. Young anglers can catch and take home a trout for tomorrow’s dinner.

Food: Pack your own picnic dinner and find a shady spot to eat. This way you can control what the kids eat and make sure they’re hydrated. Of course, you have to leave room for an elephant ear dessert. A great mid-day treat is an ice cream cone from the Dairy Barn.

– Jeff Mayor

The Snob

You don’t go to The Fair for such lowbrow activities as roller coasters and elephant ears, oh no. You’re there for the culture, the uplifting experiences. You appreciate hard work and skill in whatever field, and if you can learn something yourself, that’s even better.

Here’s how to Do the Puyallup and avoid the hoi polloi.

The Tacoma Symphony backing Chicago: Classic rock with, well, classical music. 7:30 p.m. Sept. 13

The art exhibit: As well as a fine selection of Western art courtesy of the Fred Oldfield Center, check out art in a variety of media, including the 70-year-old Photographic Salon. This year’s focus is on pastels. 10 a.m.-7 p.m. daily. Pavilion, second floor.

Artists in Action: This area offers demonstrations by painters, potters, weavers, bead makers and other artisans. You can also buy works. 11 a.m.-8 p.m. daily. Merchant’s Building.

Browse the Floral Exhibit: Rows and rows of prize-winning petals, and demonstrations of everything from rock gardening to bonsai. Daily. Floral Building. The draft horse driving demonstrations: These offer fine views of these magnificent creatures (2 p.m. and 3:30 p.m. daily, Paulhamus Arena). You can also admire well-bred pooches at the dog exhibit (daily, Town and Country II).

High above the crowd: If you must ride, at least ride high above the madding crowd on the Fair-crossing Sky Ride cars. Or maybe take the Giant Wheel, channeling art movie “The Third Man.” Daily.

Gourmet, not gourmand: Avoid the Krusty Pup crowd and try a salmon piroshky (near Pavilion). Chocolate strawberry sticks and fair scones have a bit of class, too.

–Rosemary Ponnekanti

The Teen

OK, we know you’re cool. We know you’re only going to the fair because a) your uncool parents are taking you or b) it’s the cool thing to do with your cool friends. And so you wouldn’t be seen dead listening to Amy Grant or accompanying your little siblings on the baby rides.

Here’s where you’ll be – just don’t drop your phone while texting your photo to your friends in the next car.

Selena Gomez and The Scene: It’s Selena – ‘nuff said. 7:30 p.m. Sept. 12 in the Grandstand

2k11 YouthFest: Teen-oriented stuff, like can-bashing act Vocal Trash, eastside Seattle rock band To Paint the Sky, and a rockaraoke backed by live band. All day, Sept. 14.

Food, food, food: Want lighter fare? Try roasted corn, a smoothie or yogurt cup (without the candy on top). Going all out? Get the six-inch Earthquake burger (near Blue Gate). Or two. Or three.

Animals? Only if they’re cute. And the miniature horses definitely are. 6:15 p.m. daily. Town and Country II.

Extreme sports: The MBS Mountainboards Big Air Show has riders flipping and grinding in stunts you’ll wish you could try. 1, 3 and 5 p.m. daily. Blue Gate Plaza.

Music videos: Don’t forget to play the DIY music video game near the Red Gate. Daily.

Rides: Let’s face it, you’re there for the rides. After the adrenaline of Extreme Scream, you’ll want Inferno, the Giant Coaster, Kamikazi, the new Vertigo and, of course, the bungee jumping. Daily. Sept. 12 is Monday Madness, half-off most rides.

– Rosemary Ponnekanti

THE RELUCTANT FAIRGOER

So, battling traffic and paying $11 for the right to stand in lines, pet pigs and watch Spam cook-offs isn’t your idea of fun? Oh, and whose idea was it to schedule the fair during the first month of football season, anyway? But, alas, you have kids and you’re going to have to take one for the team. Here’s how to enjoy the fair even if you don’t want to be there.

Find ways to save some dough: You’ll feel much better about subjecting yourself to the fair if you aren’t paying. A few ways to get in free: Military and their dependents get in free Sept. 12 and 19, teachers and students can get a free pass at their schools, and admission is free before noon today with a donation for the Puyallup Food Bank.

Take a sports break: It’s not an official event but at noon Saturday you can take a break and head across the street to Sparks Stadium to watch the Pacific Lutheran University football team play Hamline University.

Free shows: Hangout at the Coca-Cola Stage where you can watch free acts such as The Coats, a local a capella group that you’d probably be willing to pay to see outside the fair.

Ride the Extreme Scream: The Fair might bore you, but if this doesn’t get your blood pumping, you should seek medical attention. Avoid the crowds: If it’s the crowds that bug you (and the long lines that go with them), go early on a weekday when the masses are still at work and in school.

Check out the Totally Fried stand: If you don’t like the fair, it’s safe to say you’d never eat something like deep-fried cookie dough. Nevertheless, it’s still fun to watch others punish their arteries.

– Craig Hill