Survival expert Bear Grylls once skewered a piranha with a piece of bamboo and devoured it for breakfast. Aron Ralston drank his own urine to stay alive while trapped under a small boulder. I ate freeze-dried beef stroganoff with a rock.
In the pantheon of survival feats, this probably wouldn’t rate.
But this wasn’t just any rock, it was an ideally shaped piece of shale worn flat and smooth by thousands of years of Mount Rainier’s glacial hip action.
I needed something. Dinner was ready, scalding hot inside a zip-sealed pouch. But I was a man without a spork.
In my haste to hike up a ridge to get a knockout mountain sunset photo, I had left behind my precious utensils.
With the light fading and the mountain obscured by clouds, I either burned my hand snarfing down the delectable strands of sour cream sauce-covered noodles or I waited till I got back to camp.
To hell with that, I’m a guy. How do you handle a hungry man? Find him a rock.
Moments like these always remind me what a newbie I still am to backpacking. Even with a dozen or so trips under my belt, I still forget stuff, pack too much, tire easily and am rather bug intolerant.
I can never remember what I’m supposed to do if a bear approaches – either blow a whistle like mad and pretend to direct traffic or drop into a fetal position.
Man vs. Wild? More like Woody Allen vs. Mother Nature.
As much as I admire Grylls’ cable TV-ready adventures, I’ll never be a true hardy boy. And that’s OK.
Because I know why I endure the minor discomforts. It’s right there in front of me the next morning, filling my entire field of vision, an immense hunk of snow-covered mountain infinitely more intricate than the postcard view we see from the highway.
The best part? Admiring it doesn’t take any skill at all.
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