In our confusing world with so many irresolvable problems and seemingly constant conflict, we desperately need more simplistic answers to complex questions. For that, you’ve come to the right place.
Question: I’m interested in this “Occupy Wall Street” thing, since finance seems to be the only industry that survived the recession it caused. But what does the movement stand for?
Answer: Beyond condemning corporate greed and the political influence of Wall Street, everyone who takes part gets to define what it means. That’s the beauty of it.
Q: I suppose. But one article said they lack identified leaders and make all decisions during group meetings.
A: Sort of like the majority Republican caucus in Congress.
Q: The movement seems to be spreading, with occupations everywhere from Boston to Los Angeles. There was even an “Occupy Tacoma” event. How did that go?
A: They looked around for a business community in Tacoma but couldn’t find one.
Q: Maybe that was fortunate. The cops in Seattle were not very receptive, arresting a bunch of demonstrators and saying that it is illegal to set up tents or “to lounge” in city parks. When did lounging become illegal?
A: Apparently there’s a typo in the Seattle code. It meant to ban “scrounging” as part of their ban on aggressive panhandling.
Q: It all makes sense now. I can see why demonstrators are upset, though. The economy is so weak you have to hold a mirror under its nose to see if it’s still breathing. Job growth is anemic, the poor are getting poorer, the middle class is on the endangered species list, more social service cuts are coming. What hope is there for recovery?
A: I say ignore it.
Q: Ignore what? Ignore how we feel? Ignore all the pain being caused? Ignore our insecurities?
A: Ignore the economy. This downturn is 3 years old, and like all toddlers it craves attention and acts out to get more of it. If we stop paying attention, it will eventually get over these tantrums.
Q: So you’re saying the answer to the Great Recession is …
A: That’s right. Tough love. Turn up your iPod, let the little brat scream and pound its fists into the ground all it wants, but it’s not getting any ice cream until it learns to behave.
Q: Next you’ll be suggesting no television.
A: That goes without saying.
Q: That’s as good as most other economic theories. Speaking of tantrums, isn’t that what state schools superintendent Randy Dorn is throwing by refusing Gov. Chris Gregoire’s request to offer up a plan to cut another 10 percent from state education funding?
A: Dorn is independently elected and, in keeping with our sophomoric narrative, she’s not the boss of him. Gregoire can propose another cut to education, but Dorn doesn’t have to play along.
Q: So what’s the point of his protest?
A: There you go again, thinking protests must have a point. Dorn is free to take a stand that education cuts have already gone too far because he isn’t responsible for balancing the state budget.
Q: Have cuts gone too far?
A: Probably. Dorn is also correct that there isn’t much cutting room left before the state is in violation of its own constitutional requirement to fully fund basic education.
Q: I hear Dorn and Gregoire don’t get along.
A: Why would Dorn mistrust someone who tried to eliminate his job?
Q: Especially in this economy. On a more pleasant note, it is great to see that the baseball post-season is safe for Red Sox and Yankees haters – in other words, nearly everyone. Doesn’t that refute the claim that the owners who spend the most always win?
A: Yes, every now and then teams that spend ridiculously large amounts of money for players knock off teams that spend obscenely large amounts.
Q: Who says America isn’t still the home of the underdog. OK, you’ve persuaded me to take part in next week’s “Occupy Fife.”
A: Glad I could help. And remember, it is still illegal to lounge in front of the red-light cameras.
Peter Callaghan: 253-597-8657 peter.callaghan@thenewstribune.com blog.thenewstribune.com/politics Twitter: @CallaghanPeter
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