When Gov. Chris Gregoire announced in June she won’t run for a third term, she might as well have conceded the point we made a year ago in this space: She’s run out of ideas and energy.
At least when it comes to the oath she swore to fulfill every Oct. 31. (Her duties as trick-or-treater-in-chief are outlined in the state Constitution, right after the section about the importance of making stupid sports bets with other states’ governors.)
For her penultimate Halloween in office, Gregoire declared this week she will dress up as Elmo. Is there a less inspired costume choice imaginable? Let’s hope it can be overturned by a two-thirds vote of the Legislature.
Other times of year, Gregoire still gets pumped up for her job. She proved she can be tough, knocking heads together like The Governator when she forced a settlement in the Tacoma teachers strike. She showed she can squeeze every drop of value out of a $40,000 European trade mission – as long as the trade mission really costs $98,000.
But when autumn arrives, this guv suffers from a seasonal disorder: Hallow ennui.
Who can blame her? By the time Gregoire walks away a free woman at the end of 2012, she will have done executive-mansion porch duty eight times.
She will have put the first gentleman and first dog through eight costume fittings. She will have given this lazy columnist eight opportunities to mock her annual reveal – a fashion choice more breathlessly awaited than what Angelina Jolie will wear to the Oscars.
Imagine the scandal if Gregoire went out for the night, set out a bowl of candy and left a note saying “Take just one Snickers, please!”
Or worse, if she went out and left Lt. Gov. Brad Owen in charge. Alhough the Elmo suit would fit him better.
As part of the Sesame Street theme, First Mike will play the part of Grover. Appearances by other critters from the PBS zoo are promised. Tim Eyman as Oscar the Grouch, perhaps? Rob McKenna and Jay Inslee as Ernie and Bert?
One could argue that Gregoire is a good match for Elmo because:
- She’s been a fan since they worked together in a swine-flu public service announcement in 2009.
- She’s been a puppet of the unions and other libby special interests for years, so she might as well be a Muppet for a night.
- You can’t spell “lame duck” without Elmo’s favorite letters: “La la la la!”
A warning to the little nippers: If you try to tickle this Elmo, you might find yourself under a pile of State Patrol bodyguards and/or at the business end of a stun gun.
And speaking of costumes: How about those ashtray-gray jerseys the Wazzu footballers wore against Stanford on Saturday?
ESPN pointed them out in its ugly-uniform segment that night.
Whoever designed them clearly didn’t take into account how this color and material combo would react to belly, back and butt sweat.
It might be the worst sports fashion faux pax since the “Seinfeld” episode when George replaced the Yankees’ polyester uniforms with cotton.
The Cougs looked bad, and we don’t just mean their second-half defense. At least the color (Palouse stormcloud?) reflected the mood after their 44-14 spanking.
Political bombthrower: That zany Dick Muri, he’s one of those pols who pitches ideas so provocative, you expect him to pause five seconds, smile, then blurt out: “… Just kidding!”
Personal fireworks? Muri doesn’t like them. The Pierce County councilman and congressional candidate recently proposed outlawing ’em except for 12 hours on July 4.
Chambers Bay Golf Course? Muri has never liked the county owning it. He told a TNT reporter this week that a group of Bellevue investors approached him with an interest in buying it. He said the county might be wise to declare the land surplus and put it up for sale.
Muri promised it would stay a golf course and host the 2015 U.S. Open.
But given this guy’s penchant for throwing out red meat, maybe he’ll try to turn it into a wild-animal preserve.
Got news for The Nose? Write to TheNose@thenewstribune.com.
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