No stopping her Matriarch of comedy chats about career, drive, family

Joan Rivers is a force to be reckoned with. And not just on stage, where she delivers her signature “Can we talk?” or on the red carpet, where she demands to know, “Who are you wearing?”

Daughter and business partner Melissa Rivers knows the force. Interviewers soon learn it. And any heckler who dares to take her on will feel it.

Rivers, 78, has been performing since the 1950s, but don’t call her a pioneer of comedy or ask her about retirement. She has no plans to slow down.

Last year, a warts-and-all documentary about Rivers’ life (“Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work”) played in theaters to critical acclaim. In it, she was candid about her career mistakes, her husband’s suicide, her need for money and her lavish lifestyle. “This is how Marie Antoinette would live if she had money.”

The News Tribune reached Rivers at her L.A. home where she took a short break from writing the E! Network’s “Fashion Police” and producing “Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?” for We TV:

You seem very busy today. Is that typical?

I’m trying to put the furniture back because we used the house as a set for the show, and I’m packing to go to Vegas tomorrow. So I’m out of my mind. It’s a normal day.

Comedians Margaret Cho and Wanda Sykes were both in Tacoma recently. Do you feel you paved the road for female stand-up comics in America?

Hardly paved the way for them. Paving. I’m not finished doing what I’m doing and I frankly don’t give a ... . Can I be more clear? I’m doing my own journey. ... I love both those ladies, by the way.

How do you rank the aspects of your career – actor, writer, comedian?

I don’t. My career is very fluid. People always say to me “You keep reinventing yourself” and you just want to stare at them. You just go with the opportunity. I’m constantly writing, I’m constantly performing. I’m on the air in “Fashion Police,” but I’m also writing the show and the “Joan and Melissa” show. It’s all up there mushed into one.

You spent the first decade of your career working in tawdry little nightclubs. What kept you going?

I still work once a week when I’m in New York in a teensy tiny club – The West Bank Cafe. I’ll tell you something. To be in show business and survive, you damn well better have a calling for it. And that’s what keeps you going. With me, I’m very lucky. Something always pops up. You just switch from one to another. I’m writing books … and my jewelry business.

Speaking of that, your jewelry business has made close to $1 billion in sales.

They (QVC and others) made. I’m not starving over it, but they made. Remember, that’s a retail price. No wonder I’m still working. But the number looks great.

What keeps you motivated to keep working – money or love for your work?

Both. I always say to myself if I didn’t need the money – and don’t misunderstand me, the money I need is ridiculous. I support a lot of people – but if I didn’t need the money, what else would I do?

So then you’ll never abdicate? You’re the Queen Elizabeth of comedy?

Abdicate? Noooo. The lady who did all my costumes for years just said to me with joy, “I’m retiring.” I thought, “Then you never loved what you are doing.” I can’t wait to get to the set. To see if the joke works. When a joke works – that’s the cookie.

Do you write jokes every day?

Every day. On the floor in front of me no matter where I work, I have cue cards (on which she writes her new material).

You’ve never been shy about your plastic surgeries. Does it bother you that your surgeries have become so synonymous with your persona?

When I did it, no one discussed it. I became the poster girl for it. Things change, and now everyone talks about it. I’m not making a joke now: If one homely girl can get a nose job and think she’s great looking and act like she’s great looking, then it’s worth it.

You recently appeared on Louis C.K.’s show (in which Rivers, playing herself, gave Louis career advice). Did you have a hand in the script or was that entirely his work?

No, no, no, no. The original script (in which Louis quit a stand-up job in Atlantic City) was nothing like that. He called me up, and I was very rude. I said this would never happen, and it’s not very good. … You don’t leave a job! That’s the No. 1 rule in show business. You don’t leave unless you have something to leave to. So we rewrote it, and he’s very smart and he got it right away.

In that episode, you make Louis ask you if you ever had to perform sexual favors to get where you are. When he guesses yes, you slap him. So now, and because you can’t slap me over the phone, did you ever ...

The sad thing in my career is that I was never propositioned. I swear to you. That’s what makes me very, very sad. I just wasn’t hot enough.

You’ve had a long career as a red-carpet fashion commentator ...

Melissa and I invented the red carpet. We were the first ones to do it. We made walking into a building into an event.

... so, do you feel any pressure on what you wear when you leave your apartment?

That’s a terrific question, and the answer is yes. So many people come up to me on the street and say, “How do I look?” If you don’t look great, how dare you criticize someone else? I’m very careful how I look when I leave the apartment. Even to walk the dogs it takes me 20 minutes (to get ready). The dogs stand at the door and go, “Oh, come on.”

There are few celebrities who have a closer working relationship with their children than you do with Melissa. Does it strengthen the mother-daughter relationship?

I don’t know if it does. We just had a bad day where she just went upstairs in tears. It’s very hard where you are working and collaborating together. I’m a very forceful personality and she’s a strong personality. It’s wonderful when it’s working and beyond difficult when it’s not. She’s my boss on Shopparati (an Internet shopping site) and “E! Fashion Police.” I’m more of the boss on “Joan & Melissa.” It’s hard when your mother says “You’re doing it badly” or when your daughter says “Rewrite this.”

Would you want your 10-year-old grandson, Cooper, to go into show business?

Oh no. I would like him to marry beyond rich. I would like Cooper to find someone whose father owns New Jersey. I’d be very happy.

You won “Celebrity Apprentice.” How has that boosted your career?

People know you for what you are doing at the moment. I’m sure they thought, “Oh, she just makes cracks about what people are wearing.” I think it shows that I’m a hard worker, and people respect that. I didn’t win “Celebrity Apprentice” on looks or being the smartest or cleverest. I was the drudge in the whole thing. I just worked a little harder than most everybody.

Did it increase your fan base?

Yes, a younger fan base. But I’ll tell you what’s really given me a younger fan base is “Fashion Police.” Seventeen-year-old girls are coming up to me and saying, “I never miss it. I watch it with my mother.” How great is that?

Is “Can we talk?” really a federally registered trademark?

Yes, because some stupid lawyer made us register it. Then the phone company used it, and somebody said to me, “Are you going to sue the phone company?” (sarcastically) Yes, I’m going to sue the phone company.

I won’t use it then.

You can use it. I promise I won’t sue you.

Craig Sailor: 253-597-8541, craig.sailor@thenewstribune.com

Joan Rivers

When: 7:30 tonight

Where: The Pantages Theater, 901 Broadway, Tacoma

Tickets: $42-$74

Information: 253-591-5894, broadwaycenter.org