Get ready, folks. Santa Schnoz is coming to town with lotsa swag in our bag and a sleigh that moves slower than an ice rink Zamboni. After all, it’s pulled by a single reindeer (a minor-leaguer named Rhubarb).
To the new mystery owner of the Kalakala, we give a blowtorch and a scrap-iron crusher.
To new Tacoma City Manager T.C. Broadnax, we present a holiday welcome basket of famous local products: a sack of TAGRO compost and a baggie of medical marijuana.
And for Pierce County Executive Pat McCarthy, we’ve giftwrapped a sailor suit and a jaunty skipper’s cap.
If only P-Mac had dressed that way last week, her wardrobe would’ve matched her words as she defended a proposed countywide flood district.
Some South Pierce cities think they should pay less tax for flood control because they don’t have rising rivers in their backyard.
Cap’n Pat had this to say: “We’re in the same boat here. We sink or swim. A rising tide floats all boats, whether you’re a big boat or a small boat.”
Yes, ma’am! Anchors aweigh, damn the torpedoes, let’s keep the wind in our sails, stay on an even keel and swab the poop deck!
But be warned! Overuse of nautical clichés can make a politician seem a little dinghy.
Tweeeet! Mixed metaphor foul! At the same meeting, County Councilman Dick Muri predicted formation of the flood district was inevitable.
“I see the train coming down the track, and I’m trying to do what I can to steer it in the right direction.”
Sorry, Dick, we’re gonna have to throw a yellow flag. Please restrict all future railway clichés to discussions of Amtrak routes and Sound Transit issues.
But can she read a legal brief? Don’t know what’s more surprising about the Pierce County prosecutor’s family Christmas card this year. (Paid for by People for Prosecutor Mark Lindquist.)
The fact that he didn’t take the opportunity to put his handsome countenance on the cover. (Suggested photo caption: Dashing through the snow!)
Or that the enclosed letter mentions his precocious 16-month-old daughter’s enjoyment of books including “The Great Gatsby.”
Note to the littlest Lindquist: When you figure out the plot, can you explain it to us?
Bad bosses times two: Website ebosswatch.com has put out its annual list of America’s worst bosses. Congratulations, Fife Police Department, you’re represented not once but twice – an honor shared with the U.S. Navy.
One police lieutenant made the top 100 for committing sexual harassment, another for failing to report sexual harassment.
Last year, the South Sound region had but one winner, state Sen. Pam Roach of Auburn.
This is what we call “raising our game.”
Postmark of shame: Five years ago we sniffed in this space about how Tacoma was done wrong by the most powerful, efficient and relevant organization in the world: the U.S. Postal Service.
They turned us into a hyphenate. Our identity was, quite literally, lost in the mail.
Some mail-sorting operations in the state capital were moved north, and suddenly T-Town was forced to share space with O-Town on the face of millions of envelopes. At least the postal poobahs had enough good sense to put us on the front end of their new “Tacoma-Olympia” postmark.
Now here we go again, but this time it’s the Tacoma mail-processing center that might move north – Russell-style.
It means job losses. It means lag time receiving your Christmas card from Aunt Stella in Steilacoom.
Even worse, it means the postmark becomes as jumbled as a law firm name. And worst of all, based on city size, we may get stuck in the middle of a triple hyphenate: “Seattle-Tacoma-Olympia.”
Nobody remembers the middle member of a trio. Moe, Larry and Curly … Bacon, lettuce and tomato … Earth, Wind and Fire.
Stop us before we bring up those neglected middle children from The Brady Bunch.
What say we send a letter to the postmaster general – or better yet, send an email so we’re sure he’ll get it before February.
Let’s tell him to do with this consolidation idea what a letter carrier does with his mail bag every day.
Stuff it.
Got news for The Nose? Write to TheNose@thenewstribune.com
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