Foregiveness can bring peace

“Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is it healed. ... This is the ancient and eternal law.’

– The Dhammapada

Forgiveness is a universal theme in both the spiritual and religious life. Every spiritual tradition recognizes the necessity to let go of past suffering and betrayal, and find a way to release the burden of pain and hate that we carry.

Theistic religions point to a practice of forgiveness that is rooted in relationship with God as well as our fellow travelers on the human path. Non-theistic religions recognize that the gift and process of forgiveness as an essential part of the journey toward awakening and enlightenment.

In a very practical way forgiveness is, as one author put it, giving up the hope of ever having a better past. Forgiveness allows us to be at peace right now, no matter what drama, crisis, trauma has happened in the past. It is simply the creation of peace in the present.

Studies by Stanford University and the University of Tennessee show that when we don’t forgive we may experience a strain upon our nervous and immune systems, elevations in our blood pressure and heart rates, and a host of other health-related problems.

Unforgiveness is a factor in all human conflict, whether in family or world relations. In our lifetime, the conflicts of Northern Ireland, the genocide in Rwanda, the ongoing conflict in the Middle East, street gang violence and class warfare in our own country all point to the consequences of unforgiveness, of hanging on to past wrongs.

So if forgiveness is so crucial to the release of suffering, good physical and mental health and harmony with ourselves and others, why do we not practice it more?

Sometimes it is because we confuse forgiving with forgetting. Our brains are wired to perform some incredible tasks, but forgetting past trauma and abuse doesn’t seem to be one of them. The practice of forgiveness is a letting go of the emotional energy of past hurts and finding peace in our hearts in the here and now. In other words, sometimes we forgive for ourselves and no one else! After all, the one who hurt us may be dead and we are still carrying them around in our heart.

Sometimes we can’t forgive because we have too much emotional energy invested in being a victim of someone else’s bad behavior. To be free of the past though, we must find a way to transcend it and this may very well mean grieving the past and finding a way to rest in a present state of well-being.

These are but two of the many reasons we feel that we can’t forgive. Regardless of why we haven’t yet forgiven, the good news is that there are ways to step into this freedom now. Whether through work with a spiritual companion or a therapist, there a is way we can release the hold of the past and find peace and happiness now. I hope you begin this journey today.

David C. James, Ph.D., is an author, spiritual companion and the Animator of the Olympia Forgiveness Project.

Perspective is coordinated by Interfaith Works in cooperation with The Olympian. The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily endorsed by Interfaith Works or The Olympian.