Advice to the new columnists: Stick to your guns

I love our backyard because it’s wild. There’s no manicured lawn, no tidy rows of prim, color-coordinated flowers. There’s no rhyme or reason to where the terra cotta planters sit. Instead it’s almost jungle-like, overflowing with native shrubbery, succulents and speckled with palm and citrus trees.

Last week I was sitting on a step in the backyard watching the kids move dirt from a big pile to a bigger pile when I noticed something: There was grass growing in the spot where my husband and I sprinkled our cat’s ashes in October.

We picked a small dirt patch in a sunny spot, thinking that’s where the cat would have liked to hang out, you know, if he was alive.

Back in March I wrote about putting our cat to sleep.

Somebody left a comment, saying I shouldn’t have pets or kids.

That stung slightly more than the guy who called me pathetic because I wrote that Valentine’s Day is a silly little holiday.

But instead of twisting my hair and obsessing over why somebody would be so obnoxious, I had an epiphany: Someone was reading my words.

And they were moved enough, albeit in the negative sense, to take time to write a comment.

I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t bother me, especially in the beginning.

It’s a bummer to spend time on a column, get excited about seeing your name in print and then have someone bash not only your work but your character, your kids and your parenting skills.

But it comes with the job. And the more columns I put under my belt, I began to notice something: For every bad comment I’d receive, there’d be at least twice as many positives.

But that’s not what this story is about.

This is not only my last column but it’s the last one from the 2011 batch of community columnists. Pretty soon the 2012ers will make their voices heard.

I wanted to pass on a few pearls of wisdom, things I’ve learned over the past year, things I’ve learned to apply not only to my writing, but to my life.

My first little pearl for the newbies: Embrace your comments.

Comments prove you evoked emotion in a person. Cool, huh? And if you get a nasty comment here and there, don’t take it personally.

Just remember: You’re entitled to your opinion, and so are your readers. Overall, you’ll see “nice job” more often than “you suck.”

When I first moved to San Diego, I wrote about how the transition briefly threw off the balance between my husband and me.

I sent my first draft off to my editor and got a note back asking me to dig deeper. It was hard work, baring my soul on paper, but I listened to him and learned that the best columns are the ones that are the most difficult to write emotionally.

Another pearl: Be honest with yourself and don’t BS your readers.

Write what really matters to you, otherwise you might as well be writing a term paper. The same goes for relationships. If they’re worth digging deeper and compel you to show your raw emotions, they’re worth it. Otherwise, they’re just another face in the crowd.

My final pearl of wisdom goes back to my wild, unruly, fantastic backyard. Twelve months ago I would have hated it. I wanted everything in my life to be pristine, to be perfect. My year as a News Tribune guest columnist taught me that nothing in life is black and white. I would start a column, thinking, “This is what I’m going to say and how I’m going to say it,” and by the time I emailed it to my editors, my words would have taken an entirely different course, almost a life of their own.

The best lesson: Let some things go. You’re not completely in control, and it’s more fun that way.

It’s been a great ride, this past year. Thank you for letting me share my journey with you.

Former University Place resident Gillian Van Cooney now lives in San Diego, Calif., with her husband and two preschoolers. She is one of six reader columnists whose work has appeared in this space.