Nothing says Valentine’s Day like curling up in satin jammies with our favorite partners: a box of red wine and a Harlequin romance novel.
So nobody’s more tickled than us to hear that a Tacoma-area celebrity is about to be amore-talized by the world’s leading publisher of pulpy passion.
Dale Washam in an instant lovers’ classic, “Assess Her, Treasure Her?”
No, it’s Helen McGovern, executive director of the Emergency Food Network and former Lakewood city councilwoman. She was entered in an inspirational women contest in which the winners were determined by the number of clicks participants got on Harlequin’s website.
McGovern and two other do-gooders – managers of nonprofits in Ohio and Ontario – will receive $15,000 each for their charities. They also will have fictional short stories written about them.
“It’s a hoot, isn’t it? McGovern told The Schnoz. An intern secretly entered her in the contest; she didn’t find out until she was named a finalist.
McGovern, 61, is unmarried but has a “significant other” she met in a Tacoma Dancing with the Stars fundraiser last fall. She hopes the author assigned to her will work him into the novella.
Alas, our pining heart must wait. The stories won’t be finished until 2013.
But hark, a frustrated romance writer yearns to break free from our trembling bosom and can be repressed no longer!
Chapter 1, A Chance to Love: Their eyes met across the floor of the food distribution warehouse. It was as if Cupid’s arrow had flown straight through stacks of pinto beans and infant formula and buried deep into Helen’s heart.
His name was Chance Ashcroft. In a flash she dreamed of him sweeping her off her feet and holding her tight – tighter than shrink wrap around a pallet of USDA commodity cheese.
How ironic that these two future soulmates – she, the efficient food network administrator in business pantsuit; he, the new-to-Tacoma food bank volunteer in stylish goatee and sweat-soaked tank top – would discover each other in this, of all places.
For they were both hungry. Hungry for true love.
Good luck topping that, Harlequin.
Pitching woo at the zoo: Feb. 14 arrives early this year at Point Defiance, where animal handlers Saturday will give heart-shaped treats to elephants, tigers, walruses and red wolves.
But no “Stuck on You” valentines will be delivered to the octopus tank. The zoobahs did something far more romantic: They recently sent Rocky the pacific octopus to the Seattle Aquarium for a mating grapple. From there, he’ll be released to the wild.
All’s well that ends well. Tacoma gets a replacement octopus, a female named Noodles. And 21/2-year-old Rocky gets a shot at some eight-armed cephalopod action.
Like all of us, he’s a sucker for love.
It’s also reassuring to see how far Point D has advanced in its understanding of reproductive biology.
Way back when the aquarium opened in 1936, the original octopus was a crowdpleaser named Oscar. A year later, his handlers figured out he was a she.
Chew on this: Only one person testified at a legislative hearing last Friday on a wildlife bill dealing with relocating beavers. He was from the Lands Council in Spokane. His name: Neil Beaver.
Now that we’ve blown your mind, take a moment to pick up the pieces.
Round and round they go: The Tacoma-Pierce County Chamber of Commerce is button-popping proud of its new logo, which it calls an “integral part of our rebranding process that is just getting started.”
Rejected slogans include:
• “Run around in circles with us!”
• “Circling the drain for more than a century!”
• “Man, we’re dizzy!”
Troubles with Skeeter: The guy who was charged Thursday with skimming cash from the Lakewood fallen officers fund has a funny nickname. Reminds us of someone, though we can’t quite place it.
The Bush administration official convicted of felony lying and obstruction? Nah, that was Scooter.
The mechanic and loyal sidekick from television’s “Dukes of Hazzard?” Nope, that was Cooter.
A parasite that quietly sucks the life blood out of its host, only to be swatted after the damage is done? Yeah, that’s a Skeeter, all right.
Got news for The Nose? Write to TheNose@thenewstribune.com. Twitter: @thenosetribune
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