Funny how times are changing, and society has loosened up when it comes to selling its soul to the corporate devil.
Once upon a time, folks would get their knickers in a twist over the idea of companies buying exclusive rights to local icons like the Tacoma Dome or the Tacoma Narrows Bridge. Now it’s just another way to pay the bills.
To which we say: Bring on the bidders, baby!
Snores Truly is already on record saying the city should decorate the Dome like a golf ball for the 2015 U.S. Open. Sell the title sponsorship to Titleist or Callaway.
And if Boeing or Alaska Airlines were to offer 50 million bucks for naming rights to the bridge, we’d lead a hallelujah chorus. Heck, they can use it as an emergency landing strip, if it keeps our tolls down.
Emerald Queen Casino can put a billboard on the roof of City Hall – yes, a flashing, digital billboard – if it cuts our taxes.
And by all means, Starbucks can plaster its logo with the Schnoz’s picture in this high-rent weekly space if we can get a newsroom barista out of the deal.
But Pierce County does have one place that should be off limits to crass commercialism.
A sacred, solitary place. A place where we never, ever expected to see a brazen display of corporate branding.
Mount Rainier. Or, as the smart people know it, Mount Tacoma.
Swoosh, there it is: Imagine our shock when TNT “Adventure Guy” Craig Hill snapped a photo of the mountain last weekend. On a ridge above Paradise lies an emblem normally associated with other natural wonders, like LeBron James and Michael Phelps.
Welcome to Nike National Park.
Next up for the Park Service: the CenturyLink Grand Canyon? Yellowstone National Park presented by Coca-Cola?
Somewhere Teddy Roosevelt and his horse are rolling over in their grave.
Oh, the shame of it! It’d be insult enough if a Seattle-area company – say, Microsoft, Amazon or (ahem) Russell – planted its flag on the flanks of our sacred mountain.
That the logo is owned by Phil Knight, chairman of the People’s Republic of Eugene, makes the affront even worse.
First our mountain is named for a British naval officer. Now it’s claimed by an Oregon sneaker mogul.
What scientists call runoff from melting glaciers, we call Mount Tacoma’s tears of disgrace.
No more coddling: Attention drunk drivers, a new tough-on-crime law went into effect this week that bans you from refusing to have your blood drawn.
However, the transition will be hard on chronic offenders, and we wouldn’t want things to get too tough, too fast.
Therefore, cops are encouraged to hold suspects’ hands while the needle is inserted, and give them a sticker and lollipop when it’s over.
Hope the defibrillators work: You might warn your grandma before she follows her usual route to the floral building at the Puyallup Fair next month.
Instead of flowers, she’ll find cadavers.
After 26 years next to the Red Gate, the floral display is moving down the midway to be replaced by the new “Our Body” human anatomy exhibit. A freebie replaced by a $7 ticket.
The dead bodies will take various dynamic poses. We’re hoping for a fair theme: Eating a scone, riding the roller coaster, playing skee ball.
And the most common fair activity of all: emptying the wallet.
Quote-of-the-month club: Mike Lonergan is a former Tacoma city councilman and current Pierce County assessor-treasurer candidate. He’s also an amateur smartypants.
He pointed the Nose to a quote in a recent TNT article about the city leaving marijuana retailers high and dry by wimping out on a plan to recognize them officially.
“This had been hashed out and discussed,” attorney Jay Berneburg is quoted saying. “Then all of a sudden (the city) got scared and quit.”
Well, of course it did, Lonergan tells the Nose. Because “too much hash can result in paranoia.”
Nice try, Mike, and good luck in the election.
If you win, you’ll need a lot more material to appear in this column as often as Dale Washam has.
Got news for The Nose? Write to TheNose@thenewstribune.com. Twitter: @thenosetribune
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