Congrats, Upper Left Coast voters! The last two general elections have put Washington squarely on the national radar, first with our looser liquor laws and now with our legalized loco lettuce.
We are either angels of personal liberty or demons of debauchery. Either way, people are talking about us from coast to coast. And getting talked about is the most valuable currency these days.
Like Lewis and Clark 200-plus years ago, we are continental trailblazers. Their pursuit of manifest destiny was fueled by a pinch of pipe tobacco and a ration of whiskey. Ours is fueled by an ounce of BC bud and a bottle of Kirkland Signature Brand scotch.
In related news, you can now stay home and order wine from Amazon. No need to wait for a ride from the Pierce Transit bus that may never arrive.
Can’t wait to see which Tacoma-area neighborhood lands the first Weed Mo! superstore.
Or how long it takes for prostitution legalization to show up on the Washington ballot.
Not to harsh your mellow, but ...: You may not be able to buy marijuana legally for another year or so. State liquor and soon-to-be doobie regulators say they may not figure out distribution rules until December 2013.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good light.
The timing will be perfect, actually, because with the holiday season come the parties, the market for creative stocking stuffers (Funky frankincense? Dope on a rope? Black Gold Roca?) and the endless showings of “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
Imagine the mind-blowing fun to be had watching that old chestnut with a bag of Doritos and a new ... uh ... perspective.
What a trip, man: The Jimmy Stewart movie classic features The Nose’s favorite All-American small town to visit via Netflix.
Bedford Falls? No, Pottersville – that noisy, neon-colored, carnal-coated alternative world full of bars, pool halls, dance joints, fight clubs and girly shows where George Bailey frantically stumbles around in an existential fog.
Why do we like visiting Pottersville so much?
Because with each Washington election, it seems more like home.
Stoner No. 1 to Stoner No. 2: “Dude! Ever notice you can’t spell ‘Pottersville’ without ‘Pot?’”
Stoner No. 2 to Stoner No. 1: “Dude! When Clarence got his wings, do you think they were tangy barbecue or spicy garlic?”
When soccer moms turn bad: It’s amazing how elections bring out the lawless side of law-abiding adults. And how social media bring out the clueless side of intelligent adults.
Consider the University Place couple who tore down bunches of “No on Referendum 74” signs before the election, then posted a smiley Facebook photo of themselves with their stolen goods.
Don’t want to shame them more than they’ve shamed themselves, so let’s just call them Bonnie and Clyde. Using their best ninja moves, they joined in some sort of sign-swiping contest. (Bonnie’s photo caption brags: “Beat that, Steph!!! 24 Baby!!!! What do we win again???”)
Did Bonnie’s Facebook friends rebuke her thievery? Mostly not.
“Did you run around town taking these down?? If so ... good job!!” said one fan.
“You guys are hilarious!!!” cheered another.
“You are my heroes!!” gushed another.
And so on.
Way to go, grown-ups. Nice job role-modeling political activism for the kids. For an encore, did you lead a midnight toilet-paper attack on Rob McKenna’s house?
We’ll look for it on YouTube.
He should be a Mariners executive: We’re talking about Jack Connelly, the Tacoma lawyer who got clobbered in his state Senate race.
In what other job but the M’s front office can you spend millions with nothing to show for it?
Hey GOP, there’s always 2016!: Five ways a Republican wins the governor’s office for the first time since 1984:
• Party finally discovers unbeatable candidate. Also, flying pigs.
• Gov. Jay Inslee’s clean-energy plan is revealed to be Soylent Green. (“It’s people! Soylent Green is made out of pee-eee-ple!”)
• Rob McKenna returns and forswears Gangnam Style dancing. Also, the macarena, electric slide, jitterbug and any other dance that might alienate the party base (i.e, everything except the waltz).
• The Seattle Times Co., having already devoted free ad space to McKenna, starts using his name in crossword puzzles and drawing him into comic strips.
• A legendary Louisiana politician once said it best: The only way the Dem loses is if he’s caught with a dead girl or a live boy.
Got news for The Nose? Write to TheNose@thenewstribune.com.
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