To commemorate our national day of Thanksgiving, we join our many public officials and friends around the civic dinner table. And before they eat, each must say what they are especially thankful for this year.
Gov. Chris Gregoire: “Thank you all for coming to what will be the last Thanksgiving in the Governor’s Mansion for First Mike and me. I’m thankful for Barack Obama’s second term because if I choose to keep working, there’s sure to be some openings in D.C.”
U.S. Sen. Maria Cantwell: “Weak benches. If the Republicans didn’t have such a weak bench, I might have run against someone better known than a first-term state senator from Spokane.”
Gov.-elect Jay Inslee: “What am I thankful for? What do you think? King County. I just can’t get enough of King County and all those Democratic votes.”
Attorney General-elect Bob Ferguson: “Me too. King County.”
Auditor-elect Troy Kelley: “Oh, definitely.”
Yelm Mystic J.Z. Knight – “I’m #@%$ thankful for the #$@#$% Mexicans and the %$@&# Catholics and the #$&@ politicians who know enough to stay the %$&*$ away from me.”
GOP Senate nominee Michael Baumgartner: “Hey, is Ramtha reading my emails again?”
U.S. Rep-elect Denny Heck: “Two words: Redistricting Commission.”
Lands Commissioner Peter Goldmark: “I’ve got two words to be thankful for too … Clint Didier.”
Tim Eyman: “Hey, over here at the kids’ table. Yeah, funny. Anyway, I’m thankful each time the Legislature votes to amend the two-thirds tax-vote requirement because it guarantees me another year’s income running another two-thirds tax-vote requirement.”
Not-Gov.-Elect Rob McKenna: “Hmmm. This might take me awhile.”
Marilyn McKenna: “Losing was very disappointing. But at least I won’t have to watch Rob dance Gangnam Style ever again.”
Rob McKenna: “Yeah, that’s a good one. I’m thankful Marilyn will never have to watch me dance Gangnam Style ever again.”
Gov. Gregoire: “Hey Rob, I know how you feel. I lost the governor’s election once … for a few days! Sorry, governor humor.”
Public TV Travel Guru Rick Steves: “I’m thankful that I have to go to Amsterdam only for the scenery now that Initiative 502 has passed.”
America’s Last Undecided Voter: “Ahhh, I don’t know. Come back to me.”
U.S. Rep. Norm Dicks: “I’m thankful we’re having turkey today. After 36 years on the appropriations committee, I’m really tired of pork.”
Senate Majority Leader Ed Murray: “I could say I’m thankful that I was elected leader of the Senate Democrats, but that title is an oxymoron. Instead, I’m thankful for the 53 percent – you know, the share of the state that approved R-74 legalizing same-sex marriage.”
Outgoing Senate Minority Leader Mike Hewitt: “Same as last year. I’m thankful for Road Kill.”
Sen. Rodney Tom: “We’re not Road Kill anymore. We’re Kings of the Road.”
U.S. Sen. Patty Murray: “I’m thankful for Queens of the Senate.”
Microsoft founder Bill Gates: “I’m thankful that 3 million dollars can still buy something worthwhile these days, like an initiative.”
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos: “Mine only cost $2.5 million, with free shipping, of course.”
Eyman: “I could do it for half that.”
Cougar Coach Mike Leach: “Been a tough year. Some tough losses. Got kids who are ‘bordering on cowardice.’ And despite it all, I’m being mentioned for jobs at Arkansas and Kentucky and each will probably offer me more than the $2.25 million I make at Washington State. So I guess I’m just thankful for amateur college athletics.”
State GOP Chairman Kirby Wilbur: “I gotta say, Mitt Romney. Because without Mitt Romney, more people would be blaming me for the election results.”
Gov. Gregoire: “OK, that was fun. Let me end by thanking our men and women in uniform who are away from home for another Thanksgiving. And thank God that in America we can settle our differences with ballots and not bullets.
“Now, dig in. And save one of the drumsticks for Norm.”
peter.callaghan@thenewstribune.com 253-597-8657 blog.thenewstribune.com/politics @CallaghanPeter
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