All you Chicken Littles hoping we’d play the part of Nostril-damus today, sorry to disappoint.
We won’t affirm your fears about the Mayan doomsday prophesy for 12/21/12. We refuse to believe anything that would keep us from the important work set before us this last weekend before Christmas – like sleeping in late Saturday morning.
South Sounders are survivors. We made it through the Columbus Day storm, the eruption of Mount St. Helens, the gang violence of the ’80s, the departures of Weyerhaeuser and Russell, the arrival of downtown parking pay stations, and four years of Dale Washam.
Why would we be spooked by a riddle from a civilization gone for 1,200 years? Why trust the timekeeping skills of a people not advanced enough to have calendar apps for their iPhones?
Even JZ Knight, the former Tacoma housewife and now Yelm channeler of a 35,000-year-old warrior spirit named Ramtha (who was around at the time of the Mayans), thinks it’s silly. Knight/Ramtha believe the earth will keep spinning in 2013 and beyond, into a period of renewal.
On second thought, maybe we should hedge our bets.
Reasons we’re glad the world ends today:
• End of America’s budget crisis (the fiscal cliff).
• End of Washington state’s budget crisis (the fiscal ledge).
• End of Tacoma’s budget crisis (the fiscal pothole).
• No Narrows Bridge toll increase next summer.
• No more catastrophic snowstorms like the one that paralyzed the South Sound this week. Even better, no more nonstop coverage by TV people in matching parkas.
• The mayor of Pacific finally removed from office when the city of Pacific is removed from the planet.
• No last-minute shopping at Spencer’s Gifts for Mrs. Nose’s Christmas present.
Reasons we’re glad the world won’t end today:
• Don’t want to miss the hocus-pocus act Gov.-elect Jay Inslee says he’ll do next year – magically balancing state budget with no new tax revenues.
• Tacomans get to see the completion of the city’s grandest new architectural edifice in years: the Union Avenue Walmart.
• County’s plans for the 2015 U.S. Open will go forward, as will The Nose’s plans to heckle Tiger Woods.
• Already bought tickets to Monster Jam at the T-Dome.
• Yogurt in the fridge doesn’t expire until Dec. 27.
• Washingtonians will experience dangerous thrill of buying pot. (The kind not used for boiling soup.)
Nine lives of death and destruction: The most imaginative scenario we’ve seen for today’s apocalypse comes from the brain of local guy Joe Korbuszewski on the Tacoma blog Camp 666.
He speaks of the “rise of the ultra-cats,” who for decades have snuggled in your laps waiting to grow to colossal size and harness their secret powers of lasers, fire and lightning. The blog post shows the titanic tabbies annihilating various Tacoma landmarks.
And we thought they already did enough damage just clawing the drapes.
Clueless in Chicago: Could renovating the T-Dome lure an NBA or NHL franchise to town? We could’ve answered that months ago, for the price of a beer at the Harmon. Instead, the city paid Chicago consulting firm AECOM about 100 grand, and the firm made a presentation to a City Council committee this week.
AECOM Associate Principal David Stone gave the obvious answer — and obliviously picked at a couple of scabs.
Stone said the T-Dome “has the largest seating capacity of any facility in the region, which is a benefit for events — like Justin Bieber, for example.”
Cue awkward laughter. This city won’t soon forgive The Beeb’s publicity stunt that falsely claimed his laptop was thieved here during a tour stop in October.
The consultant quickly added: “Well, depending on your tastes, I suppose.”
To which Mayor Marilyn Strickland chimed in: “Lady Gaga, we’ll just say.”
Clueless, part two: Later during the presentation, a PowerPoint slide was set against a photo of pro hoops star — and former Seattle Supersonic — Kevin Durant.
In full Oklahoma City Thunder regalia.
“Do you really have an Oklahoma picture behind there?” the mayor asked.
“You know, I thought about that,” the consultant stammered. “To be perfectly honest with you, it was just the right size for this slide. If we were in Seattle, I absolutely wouldn’t have done it. But I didn’t think it would be quite as painful here, maybe?”
“I’m kidding,” Her Honor replied, letting him squirm just long enough.
“I love Kevin Durant,” she added. “It’s not his fault.”Got news for The Nose? Write to TheNose@thenewstribune.com. Twitter: @thenosetribune