Editor’s note: Compiled from reports to Tacoma police.
Dec. 22: She was hitting on men at a nightclub on Pacific Avenue, and that sent her drunken boyfriend into a tizzy.
He stomped into the bathroom, punched a softball-size hole in the paper towel dispenser and began throwing the towels around. A security guard got control of the 21-year-old man and sat him on a ledge outside while they waited for police.
Without warning, the man stood and thrust his shoulder through a window, shattering the glass. He told police he was still frustrated at his girlfriend’s behavior.
It cost the club owner more than $1,500 in repairs, and the man a night in jail. No word on the girlfriend.
Dec. 22: He had a crumpled dollar bill and as much in change in his pocket, but he wanted more.
The panhandler stood outside a coffee shop on South 38th Street, asking people for money. This did not thrill the manager, who had reported him before for bothering patrons.
An officer responded and recognized the panhandler – he was wearing the same gray sweatshirt and sweatpants and carrying the same umbrella as the last time the officer was called to the shop.
The panhandler, speaking loudly, told the officer he just wanted coffee. He gave a false name and claimed he was 5 feet 8, though he was clearly much taller.
The officer put him in handcuffs and ran his name through the computer. No warrants were listed but a warning popped up that the man, a felon, could injure officers.
The panhandler insisted he’d only ever been arrested for not paying a traffic ticket. The officer sent him on his way and warned him to steer clear of the Starbucks.
Dec. 20: They were Facebook friends, and then they weren’t.
The man thought the woman was “really hot,” so he agreed to pick up a new laptop at a Lakewood store. The two had never met, but the computer had been bought and paid for. All he had to do was mail the thing. What could go wrong?
He ignored the man’s name on the mailing label. He ignored the same man’s name on the purchase form. He even ignored his gut feeling when he agreed to mail the package to Africa.
FedEx wouldn’t let him though, telling him a P.O. box wouldn’t work. The man got on Facebook and looked up the man’s name listed on the package.
He couldn’t ignore the profile picture of Jack Sparrow.
After all, he told police, Jack Sparrow is a pirate.
So he turned the paperwork over to officers and set sail himself.