Hey, Tacoma, next time you step out of the shower, you can look in the mirror with pride. Don’t sweat those love handles. Don’t fret that the only six-pack you’ll ever see is the one you buy at Top Foods … er, Walmart? … every Friday.
And never mind that visitor from California who wrote a letter to the TNT last year calling Tacoma “the fattest city I have ever seen.”
Maybe he should have said “fittest.”
T-Town weighs in at a svelte No. 9 in a new list of America’s Top 10 physically fit cities, as determined by Facebook. The social network tracked fitness-related comments and updates, check-ins and app usage over the past three months in cities where at least 200,000 people use Facebook.
The star of this bodybuilding class is No. 1-ranked Virginia Beach, Va. Albuquerque, N.M., falls right behind us at No. 10. The only other Northwest entry is Portland, at No. 6.
Those pretenders in Seattle can seek solace in a double-thick malt and a bag of burgers at Dick’s.
We won’t stand them kicking sand in our face any longer.
After all, data doesn’t get more reliable than this. People never lie, exaggerate or try to make themselves look good on Facebook.
Sorry, Seattle: We’re not impressed by your No. 8 rating in May in the annual American Fitness Index, put out by the American College of Sports Medicine. That is so two months ago.
Forty minutes texting and reading Maxim on the elliptical doesn’t count as exercise. Also, Mike’s Hard Gatorade is not a real thing.
What say you northlanders come down from your little hills and climb our real mountain. Or dodge traffic at one of our improperly marked St. Helens District crosswalks.
Take a jog around Point Defiance, where evading reckless drivers and fearless raccoons requires great stamina. Or let’s see how many laps you can swim in Titlow Pool — a grueling workout, now that it’s empty.
This is how we do fitness, Tacoma-style.
Play nice, boys and girls: Now that the Legislature That Would Not End has adjourned, the pols can stop poking each other for a few months, right?
Wrong. Senate boss Rodney Tom sent fingers flying this week by proposing elected leaders pay a fine for every day they go overtime, plus forfeit their per diem checks for meals and other expenses.
State Rep. Laurie Jinkins responded that Tom, a wealthy man from Medina (is there any other kind?), wouldn’t feel much pain from his suggested $250 daily fine.
“It’s pretty rich,” said Jinkins, D-Tacoma. “And I mean that in every sense of the word for Rodney Tom.”
Jinkins said most legislators have real jobs, which gives them ample motivation to finish their work in Olympia.
“He’s at least a millionaire,” she said. “He’s just in a different position.”
Whoa, hold on, kids. Since your allowance is a sensitive subject, let’s find other ways to discipline you next time you blow your curfew.
Day 1-10: Extra chores, including emptying own trash cans. Day 11-20: No dessert. Day 21-30: Detention hall in Lt. Gov. Brad Owen’s office.
After that, one word: spankings.
Meantime, if you can’t be nice to each other even on summer vacation, we’re gonna turn this car around.
Ratepayers get soaked: Tacoma Water customers who live outside city limits recently got a surprise: a new $5 charge on their monthly bills to pay for fire hydrants.
Hardly seems fair for people who don’t own dogs.
Goodbye to a good egg: The TNT’s City of Tacoma beat writer (aka the Nose’s spy at 747 Market St.) is taking a job at The Seattle Times.
Leave it to local muckracker John Hathaway to blow the lid off this simmering scandal.
“According to several reliable News Tribune sources City Hall reporter Lewis Kamb has pulled the plug on his days of covering that tough, grinding and odious beat,” Hathaway wrote on his New Takhoman blog this week. “And not unlike city hall Tribsters who passed before him, he is suffering from a severe case of burnout. With his own editors constantly looking over his shoulder and having to pull the teeth of city officials to get the story, who can blame him?”
Kamb, recently released from a burnout recovery center, could not be reached for comment. He was busy sterilizing his dental tools and buying editor repellent.
Ten FITTEST CITIES
1. Virginia Beach, Va.
2. Colorado Springs, Colo.
3. Austin, Texas.
4. San Antonio, Texas.
5. Livingston, N.J.
6. Portland, Ore.
7. El Paso, Texas.
8. Oklahoma City, Okla.
10. Albuquerque, N.M.Got news for The Nose? Write to TheNose@thenewstribune.com Twitter: @thenosetribune