Brace yourselves for the humdinger news of next month’s general election.
Not the genetically-engineered labels that I-522 earth muffins want to stick on your food.
The really big story is a different kind of label — the one Pierce County Auditor Julie Anderson is unsticking from your chest.
The “I Voted” sticker,-- the badge of honor and de rigueur fashion statement that comes out every November -- is history.
Anderson, like other election czars around the country, killed them this year because they were costing her office $20,000 to distribute to 443,000 voters.
But what’s the point of voting without the civic equivalent of the lollipop in the dentist office?
Ah, but don’t fret, Anderson says. She has an alternative for you that will promote voting without raiding the public purse.
Except it’s not for the flesh-and-blood version of you. It’s for the digital, virtual you. The LinkedIn you. The Twitter you. The you who never has to leave the house again, whether to shop, socialize, vote or strut around in public wearing a silly sticker.
Please forgive us if we don’t “like” it on our Facebook page.
What’s next? Will the Health Department get rid of Mr. Yuk stickers and send children to a poison-control website instead?
Much ado about avatars: On Friday, Anderson will unveil an online avatar that Pierce County peeps can proudly “wear” on their social media profiles. The image was designed by election specialist Michelle Ackers after a call to local graphic artists and a $100 award didn’t turn up any entries.
As in life, there will be losers.
Tough luck for old folks who don’t know how to turn on a computer and don’t know an avatar from a guitar. Grandma Nose thinks social networking is what happens during bingo hour. Her mobile device is a 1971 Plymouth Valiant.
Also too bad for that 18-year-old lad who’s voting for the first time this year. He’ll miss the thrill of going to school with the special sticker on his sweater vest. It was always a great way to pick up civic-minded chicks.
As for Le Schnoz, the auditor’s decision leaves us no choice. We will finally do what we’ve contemplated for years.
Go to Tillicum and get an “I voted” tattoo on our chest.
Then hope the boss doesn’t mind us going shirtless on Nov. 5.
And speaking of tatts: City Council hopeful Patricia Lecy-Davis sported a knee-length skirt at Wednesday’s Tacoma City Club election event, and flexed some muscle to flaunt the tattoo covering her entire left calf.
We’re not sure what it is, but she said it was crafted to cover a poorly drawn lion.
So far we haven’t seen any ink on her opponent, council member Robert Thoms. But he was in the Navy several years, so don’t count him out.
No shirt, no shoes, no service: The other day we stumbled on the “Know before you go” section of the Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium website, and some of the rules honked us off.
No smoking on zoo grounds – sure, we get that.
No roller skates – inconvenient, but OK.
But, “remain clothed at all times” – that one really chaps our hide.
Why should we have to follow rules that the animals get to ignore?
The good news: The federal shutdown is over.
The bad news? S’pose this means Federal Way is open again.
Simply unbelievable: Not sure whether to be flattered that a bunch of humanists, skeptics and atheists chose Tacoma for the site of their international summit next weekend.
Guess that makes us agnostic on the subject.
The sponsoring group is the Center for Inquiry, or CFI. One assumes it’s a nonprophet organization.
You might recognize conference participants driving downtown. They’ll be the ones with bumper stickers saying things like: “My flying monkey can beat up your guardian angel” and “Smile, God doesn’t exist, so I guess nobody loves you.”
We’ll see how many actually show up. A lot of these folks may refuse to believe such a prestigious event wouldn’t be held in Seattle.
First question we’d ask an atheist: If you don’t believe in God, can you still be a Bieber belieber?Got news for The Nose? Write to TheNose@thenewstribune.com. Twitter: @thenosetribune