The Nose: There’s no swag like Daffodil Festival swag

TheNose@thenewstribune.comMarch 14, 2014 

Nike has started dressing the Daffodil royal court. Is this the next step? We say: “Just do it!”

STAFF PHOTO ILLUSTRATION

They’ve always received the standard princess kit — tiara, earrings, white gloves and yellow gown. But nowadays, the perks of being part of the Daffodil Festival Court don’t end with dress-up bling.

Or the $2,000 scholarship. Or the fistful of government proclamations. Or the thrill of fulfilling every little girl’s Disney princess dream: To ride a rain-soaked float through downtown Orting, doing their best elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, touch your pearls and blow a kiss!

This year, the swag bag nearly burst after the 25 young ladies on the royal court were given Microsoft Surface tablets.

Also, Nike joined with South Sound Running to donate $7,000 worth of shoes, jackets, pants and shirts for the princesses and queen to wear in casual settings.

“Look for the swoosh!” the advertisers declare.

The royals have not been asked to display it on their formal outfits. Yet.

Sadly, they can’t enjoy the spoils of every sponsorship. They’re too young to play the slots at Emerald Queen Casino.

If anything, the festival needs to diversify its portfolio. In an age when corporations buy the rights to everything from sports stadiums to state parks, we think Daffodil princesses would make excellent billboards. May we suggest:

 • Princess Cruises, the official vacation provider of the Daffodil Festival.

 • Daffodil Fields, the official skin lotion.

 • Mello Yello, the official soft drink.

 • Yellow Jacket, the official stun gun.

 • Crown Royal, the official whiskey.

Local freebies: What princess would not want to take home a sack of Tagro, a perfume bottle of Tacoma Aroma, or an avalanche-destroyed chairlift seat from Crystal Mountain?

This year’s festival theme: “Ready, Set, Grow!” It also could be the slogan of the Washington Cannabis Association.

Any chance the Daffodil court will appear at Hempfest?

Give him a can of WD-40: Congrats to our own state Rep. Steve Kirby. The Tacoma Democrat proved how tedious the process can be in a speech last month that won him TVW’s annual “grinding gears of government” award.

Poor fella got stuck talking up a boring bill about product service contracts while his buddy was MIA from the House floor. So Kirby freestyled and pulled out every political cliche in the book.

“It’s good for the children, it levels the playing field, and it has plenty of sideboards,” Kirby said. (Or maybe he said “cyborgs.”)

“So everybody vote for it!” he added, feigning enthusiasm.

And voila, everybody did!

It didn’t match the bravado of the speech Kirby gave — twice, in the last two years — about dropping his cellphone in the toilet. But nothing ever will.

Be a good sport: Sen. Michael Baumgartner has a case of jock itch, and only the Legislature can scratch it.

First the Spokane Republican and Wazzu alum pushed through a resolution claiming the disputed 1915 national football championship for the Cougs. And not a moment too soon.

Now Baumgartner wants UW and Gonzaga to play each other in basketball every year, like they did from 1998-2007. He introduced a bill this week mandating the rivalry.

It didn’t have a sporting chance, but we’d like to see it pass next year — as long as he adds two amendments.

(1) The Huskies and Bulldogs will face off in football, too.

(2) Neither team will be bothered to play the Cougs.

Shameless self-promoter of the week: This time of year, a state politician normally runs away with the honor.

But we can’t overlook Chris Egan, the KING-TV sportscaster who hosted the March 7 Daffodil Queen coronation. Egads, the man won’t let himself be overlooked.

Say this much for Egan: He’s a proud Puyallup native and can pronounce the city’s name, though he struggled with “Graham-Kapowsin.”

Too bad 25 young women could hardly escape his shadow.

It wasn’t enough that he clicked selfies all over the stage, and dropped at least 10 Seahawks references. According to Egan, the whole time he stood next to coach Pete Carroll at the Super Bowl, all he could think of was hosting the Daffodil event.

But the clincher was when Egan put on his TV station’s ubiquitous yellow jacket, and — we aren’t making this up — his Emmy Award showed up onstage.

Later, we vaguely recall a queen being crowned. And Egan was overheard backstage screaming at the princesses: “Hey, you can’t wear yellow! I’m the one who wears yellow!”

OK, we made up that last part.

Got news for The Nose? Write to TheNose@thenewstribune.com. Twitter: @thenosetribune.

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