The Nose: Stranded time traveler could always hitch a ride out of town

TheNose@thenewstribune.comApril 25, 2014 

Part of the charm of the 253 is the way some folks blissfully walk through life as if stuck in a moment from the past or the future. Here’s to you, Sonics Guy.

Well, this week we spotted a message from a person who really does come from another time. And it must be true because we read it on Craigslist — an ad in the Tacoma section.

Prepare to have your minds blown.

The desperate plea falls under the headline, “Time machine technician needed asap! — Jumper 40xx series”

“I went to fire up my Jumper and lo and behold it’s broken and I’m in the wrong century to get it fixed. Any other hoppers hanging around the Warming Age with technical experience to help out?”

He goes on to surmise that he might “just need the bender fixed” — a repair that requires the services of a “dagoon.”

Just so happens we know a reliable dagoon with a shop in the Nalley Valley. Unfortunately, he only works on the Jumper 30xx series.

If all else fails, our time traveler could swing by the LeMay car museum. The collection includes a DeLorean, though we don’t know if it’s the “Back to the Future” model that runs on a 1.21-jigawatt battery.

Deja vu: A time traveler could sit in on a Tacoma charter review meeting this spring and hear people blather about whether to change the form of city government. Then he could jump in his time machine and go back to 2004 — and 1952 — and hear the same arguments all over again.

It’s enough to drive any hopper around the bender.

Southern discomfort: Through the years, we’ve witnessed a lot of bizarre behavior at Puyallup City Council meetings, to the point that we’re afraid to drink from the water fountain at City Hall.

But rarely have we seen things spiral down a rabbit hole the way they did Tuesday night.

All because of a recent offhand joke the mayor cracked about the state of Alabama.

The audience seemed amused on April 8 when Mayor John Knutsen marveled that a city employee had learned to speak English while living in Alabama.

This week, however, Knutsen was put on the defensive about it.

“You have to start thinking about your comments and what you say in the public view,” Chris Taylor said during citizen comment time.

“You represent the city of Puyallup,” Taylor told the whole council. “Please be careful.”

Then the meeting went sideways for several minutes. The mayor fumed that he didn’t have to explain his sense of humor to anyone, one councilman angrily called for a point of order, and more people talked about literacy in the South.

Note to self: When in Meekerville, you can badmouth Fife and Sumner all you want, but beware what you say about the land of Dixie.

County government goes two-faced: It won’t rank as one of the environmental milestones of the last century, such as banning DDT or leaded gasoline. And it doesn’t quite measure up to some of the great local triumphs, such as cleaning up the Asarco Superfund site.

But Pierce County paper pushers got into the Earth Day spirit this week by enacting a decree: They will henceforth switch to 100-percent recycled paper.

Oh, they’re also requiring employees to make two-sided copies. Except when they can’t. Or when their bosses say they don’t have to.

For this bit of groundbreaking news, a press release was issued.

It made us want to put on sandals, dance in a drum circle and sing along to the Joni Mitchell classic, “Both Sides Now.”

We’re thrilled, truly, that the county is pushing toward a goal of having half its office supplies contain recycled content.

Lord knows they already recycle the same elected leaders every few years.

We just wonder what took them so long to discover the duplex button on the copier.

Heck, we’ve been printing the TNT on both sides of the newsprint roll since the 1800s.

Rules and more rules: In what other ways might county bureaucrats tell their underlings to comply with the environmental sustainability plan?

 • Write memos that are twice as long as necessary in order to fill both sides of a sheet of paper.

 • No doodling, tic tac toe or origami.

 • Be forewarned that IT technicians will rig machines for paper jams throughout the workday as a strategic paper-saving measure. Also, for entertainment.

 • If you must make copies of your rear end, please use only 8½-by-11 paper.

 • Disregard recent executive order requiring employees to make three-sided copies. That technology does not exist yet, but our best dagoons are working on it.

Got news for The Nose? Write to TheNose@thenewstribune.com. Twitter: @thenosetribune

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