Say, sonny, could you spare a pint of blood?

Contributing WriterMay 10, 2014 

Washington, D.C. May 4, 2024 —

We should have seen it coming back in 2014 when the Young Blood troubles first revealed themselves on the evening news. The networks and newspapers reported the good news that was fated to become the bad news.

What had looked at first back in 2014 like a godsend for the elderly has become a gruesome burden over the 10 years leading up to the generational estrangements of today here in 2024.

Researchers back then announced that injecting the blood of young mice into old mice had improved the memory of the old mice. That meant injecting the blood of young people into old people might reverse aging in humans.

No one was more fascinated than members of the golden years who had feared they would become more and more forgetful and confused. The injection of Young Blood might reverse that. It could put our minds back in fully functioning gear and restore our old bodies to the full physical levels of the younger people we could once again become.

If the transfer of blood from the young proved to be a legitimate and wonderful possibility of overturning aging, then that would mean that there is such a thing as a fountain of youth.

However, that fountain could be the blood of our own grandchildren.

Some elders were creeped out by turning children into blood sources. And how many children would become willing donors?

Nonetheless, when people in their 80s started dosing on kid blood, that process did turn aging around. Gradually, people of advanced age gained mobility, took up tap dancing, ran marathons, dominated “Jeopardy,” fired up their sex drive, gave birth anew, wallowed in Facebook chats, and started living on pizza just like any other kid.

Talk about a second childhood.

Best of all, the names and events that they had forgotten in senior years came back to them. Their minds returned with full force and their knowledge compounded itself, blending original mounds of facts into brand new, greatly enlarged knowledge.

Yes, some seniors had reservations about the source of their Young Blood supply. Their own grandchildren became the youngsters who had to give blood several times a year. And that raised a sober question:

Could the elders actually sink that low?

You must be kidding. Of course they could. After all, the elders back in 2014 were not exactly the greatest generation.

The greatest generation was the one that survived the Depression, fought the forces of darkness in a world war and willingly, generously paid the taxes that would give their children a better education than they had been given.

But it was no surprise when the blood-sucking generation of elders who came to the fore in 2014 wouldn’t give a free glass of water to a thirsty grandchild.

Their generation (my generation) had long since received all the education we could handle — for free or nearly so. All we were asked to do in return was to accept the cost of passing along a solid education to the next generation.

For years now, my generation has refused what it owes, leaving colleges, legislatures, education boards and timid college presidents to welch on a fundamental debt. Instead of standing up for the students, the so-called leaders of education have drowned the students in massive debt.

And now, here in 2024, they have proved to be the kind of people who would drain their own grandchildren of blood just to live weird lives more common to vampires.

“What do you want for Christmas, Grandson?”

“Some help with my enormous college tuition bill. ... And what do you want for Christmas, Grandma?”

“How about another quart of blood.”

Contact columnist Bill Hall at wilberth@cableone.net or 1012 Prospect Ave., Lewiston, ID 83501.

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