Many know Bret Michaels as Poison’s main man. Others know him better as that ’80s glam guy who rock tramps line up to degrade themselves on national television for on VH1’s “Rock of Love.”

And tonight at the Emerald Queen, the hair-band heartthrob will grace local ladies with not only his presence, but also party hearty anthems from his Poison heyday and newer tracks from his latest solo album, “Rock My World.”

And that’s all good and well. But, in the days leading up to the show, I got to thinking. Sure, Flavor Flav has to stoop to reality dating shows to find love, what with his penchant for wearing Viking helmets way past Halloween and blurting out bizarre non sequiturs over dinner. But Bret Michaels? Say it ain’t so!

And sure, we’re led to believe the guy will live happily ever after with Ambre Lake, the last woman standing from “Rock of Love 2.” But the jig is up after Bret blurted out something about “the premise” of why he broke up with season one winner, Jes, on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” Smart money says the “happy couple” calls it quits in time to promote season three.

And really, should Bret be subjected to that sort of romantic roller-coaster ride? The man deserves true and lasting love. He gave the world “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” for Pete’s sake!

So I’m calling on Pierce County’s most eligible bachelorettes to show up tonight, scheme their way backstage and win Bret’s heart. And as if the memory of him permed and shirtless, circa 1990, isn’t motivation enough, here are five more reasons to go for it.

 • Bret’s already sown his wild oats. Don’t let that episode of VH1’s “The Greatest,” the one about the 100 “most metal” moments, scare you off. Sure, it includes salacious accounts of Poison screening potential groupies on video and keeping a database of the gals that passed muster. Rockers have to do that kind of stuff. It’s the law or something.

And just think of it as evidence that your future man has gotten the debauchery out of his system. He’s ready to settle down and buy the minivan. Honest.

 • He’s a smooth talker. For starters, his new album opens with this irresistible come-on: “Please, let me introduce myself/ ’m gonna get you off like there’s no one else.” Awwww yeah. It’s time for the quiet storm. By the way, I’d advise against using this line at the Loft without first fronting a popular band and starring in your own reality TV series.

 • But seriously, he’s got a sensitive side. Just look at how he handled the situation when “Rock of Love” contestant Rodeo had a series of kid-related emotional meltdowns. Sure, a bit of self-preservation may have been involved since that lady made Paula Abdul seem like a model of mental health. But Bret was kind and diplomatic and even gave her his custom-made cowboy hat – as he booted her flaky behind out the door.

 • Bret will seduce you with subtle metaphors. On the surface, he seems to be inviting you for a leisurely drive in one of his fancy cars on the new track, “Driven.” But you know what he’s talkin’ about when he sings “I like the way you grind my gears” or “I like the way you grab my wheel and just kind of guide me.” Mmmm hmmm. But by the time you decipher his lusty intent, you will be his.

 • He looks really hot in both bandanas and cowboy hats. Which is good since he has seldom been seen without either for the last decade. But to all you haters gossiping online about how the man is secretly bald, check the photo in his new disc’s liner notes. Who do you think this is? Kenny Chesney?

Ernest Jasmin: 253-274-7389