Now that the primary is completed, we can all look forward to a fall campaign that will be waged mostly on TV.

Speeches and handshaking are what candidates do when they’re not raising money to buy TV ads. Lately we also get the pleasure of watching ads produced by so-called independent expenditure campaigns.

These are mostly negative-ad campaigns by groups that are technically independent of the candidates. That way they can spend what they want and say what they want without tarnishing their favored politicians.

Think Swift Boat Veterans for Truth and MoveOn.

What better way to celebrate such joyful manifestations of American politics than with song? Today we present the debut of “IE – The Musical.”

“Summertime”

(sung to the candidate by a political action committee executive, with apologies to Gershwin)

It’s summertime

And the TV is sleazy

With dirty ads

’Cause votin’ is nigh

My PAC is rich

And my spokesman’s good lookin’

So you take the high road

Let us lie

Tonight during prime time

We’re gonna come out slingin’

We’ll spread the mud

’Til it reaches my thigh

But until then

You can say you know nothing

You and your campaign can stay sweeter than pie

Our ads will claim

Our opponents are Satan

If they win

Small children will die

They’ll tax the rich

The books they’ll be cookin’

We’ll accuse them of more crimes

They’ll have to deny

It’s summertime

And the voters are queasy

You’re out stumpin’

The stakes are sky high

I’ll make a pitch

I’ll raise money in buckets

I’m flush, little baby

So let me lie.

“Every Vote You Take”

(sung to the other candidate by the opposition research department, with apologies to Sting)

Every vote you take

All the cash you make

Every pledge you break; every step you take

We’ll be watching you.

Did you ever stray?

Is your sister gay?

Have you ever prayed? Were those bribes you paid?

We’ll be watching you.

Oh can’t you see

You’re no longer free

To say the things you think

To share a friendly drink

’Cause every check you take

Every rule you break

Every friend you make; every tax mistake

We’ll be watching you.

Since you ran, since you jumped into this race

We’re on TV, our ads are a disgrace

We tell the voters it’s you they must replace

Your reputation is what we will debase

We keep trying, lying, crying wolf

From the time you wake

’Til the sleep you take

TV will make you ache;

The mail will make you quake

’Cause we’re watching you.

Peter Callaghan: 253-597-8657

peter.callaghan@thenewstribune.com

blogs.thenewstribune.com/politics