You read them here first: Words to eject after ’09

KATHLEEN MERRYMAN; THE NEWS TRIBUNE
Last updated: January 3rd, 2009 12:19 AM (PST)

That’s why, aside from the fact that it’s in Michigan, it must be a ball to work at Lake Superior State University. For 34 years, the wags there have solicited nominations nationwide and chosen the winners of the “List of Words to Be Banished from the Queen’s English for Mis-use, Over-use and General Uselessness.” (LoWtBBftQEfMOGU, for short.)

I trust beer is involved in the rigorous process.

This year they awarded closure to 15 of the most irritating terms. They are: green; carbon footprint; maverick; first dude; bailout; Wall Street/Main Street; monkey; <3 (that’s a heart-shaped emoticon); iconic; game changer; staycation; desperate search; not so much; winner of five nominations; and it’s that time of year again.

Satisfying as it is to eject them, doing so leaves a void. And you know what we do with voids.

We make up words we hope will be contenders for next year’s LoWtBBftQEfMOGU nominations.

And the candidates are:

 • “Meganega”: We were so busy getting pummeled in 2008, we didn’t have the wit to coin a phrase to sum up all the bad stuff raining down. Consider “meganega,” the big upside-down umbrella word to catch and contain the vast negativity of our new world.

 • “Carbon tire track”: “Carbon footprint” is a misnomer. If all you’re leaving is footprints, you’re not really pitching in to pillage the planet. Walking or riding your bike, you are, first of all, unlikely to survive a mall parking lot. Even if you do, you can’t haul the fruits of uber-consumerism home with you.

For that, you need a vehicle, and not one of those electric cuties with just enough cargo space to tote an iPod. If you’re gonna burn rubber on Mother Earth, you’re gonna need bigger wheels. You’re gonna need something that can leave a sturdy carbon tire track.

 • “Hovel-ready”: There’s big stimulus money coming to shovel-ready infrastructure projects nationwide. The financiers are still wondering why we want to see what they’re doing with the money we gave them.

But soon-to-be-former homeowners are still hoping for a way to refinance their way out of foreclosure. What they need is a chunk of hovel-ready economic assistance.

 • “Nobust”: The “robust response” has been the height of political chic for the past few years. Depending on the situation, it’s invoked images of scowling people shaking fingers, waving arms and throwing money.

Look where all that hearty endeavor has landed us.

Something a little flatter, an approach less likely to go bust, might serve us better.

Level-headed planning, critical discussion, and a firm hand instead of a heavy one would be the hallmarks of a nobust response.

 • “Blahger”: The Internet blogosphere would be a lot more fun, and possibly more useful, without the trolls who hide under its anonymity.

Blahgers are the nabobs of negativity who’ll go to a blog item about potholes and post random insults like “Libs need a visit from the Shower Fairy and the Toothpaste Fairy.”

No telling whether a visit from the “Turn Your Frown Upside Down Fairy” would make them more bearable.

 • “Fashionotta”: The opposite of fashionistas, fashionottas wear sensible shoes.

They have the brains to realize that no one will ever truly love them, much less respect them, for their stilettos. But does Tim Gunn give them a second thought? Would Heidi Klum say just one nice thing about their taste in sweaters? Not a chance in Nieman’s.

Fashionottas will rally to the term that finally gives wash-and-wear fabrics the respect they deserve.

 • *&% ; ) : The “I want to live like Carmen Miranda” emoticon features her smiling and winking and wearing a big hat of fruit while lying on the floor. It’s a symptom of too many people doodling too much with their computer keyboards. By June, someone will invent a recognizable pirate. Carmen will be passe before the LoWtBBftQEfMOGU team solicits entries, and Capt. Jack Sparrow wins five nominations.

Kathleen Merryman: 253-597-8677

kathleen.merryman@thenewstribune.com

Originally published: January 3rd, 2009 12:19 AM (PST)