The Sniff loves readers! Especially witty readers — even more especially, witty readers who submit their own jokes, offering much-needed relief from the weekly burden of filling this space with brilliant political satire.
Therefore, without further ado, let’s introduce the lovely, the talented ... Vincent DePalma, who recently stopped for a truck bath at Lakewood’s Classy Chassis Express Self-Serve Car Wash and Dog Wash in Lakewood, and found himself faced with an existential dilemma.
You see the problem in Vince’s photos: The Trump bay or the Clinton bay? Rather than truckling to binary tyranny, Vince voted for a power-sharing arrangement unique in U.S. political history. But let him speak for himself:
I tried both car washes. The one erased all my music files, and the other gave me a lube job without my permission.
Congratulations, Vince! Your name is now registered in the annals of Sniff history — plus, your rig is doubly clean, in spite of the lost music and the extra grease. But we have to know — do you have a dog?
Speaking of photos: Those maniacal treasure-hunters at the Washington State Archives dug up a doozy from Olympia’s Old Kingdom, circa 1956, when then-President Dwight D. Eisenhower stopped by the state capital for an October visit ahead of that year’s election.
Such an assembly! Just look at that roster of ink-stained wretches — much like today, carrying keyboards in bulky cases, eagerly awaiting whatever crumbs of news the Prez might scatter. Check the photographers, standing on tables — their breed never changes. Also note the rarities: a man wearing a white pillbox hat of some sort, a half-obscured campaign sign urging the re-election of IKE-DICK, and wonder of wonders, an actual woman journalist, covering her ears in the universal gesture of despair.
Eisenhower took the state of Washington that year with 53 percent of the vote. Yes, the Evergreen State was kinda red once upon a time. It shifted blue in the swinging ‘60s, then back to red throughout the ‘70s.
Eisenhower took the state of Washington that year with 53 percent of the vote. Yes, the Evergreen State was kinda red once upon a time. It shifted blue in the swinging ’60s, then back to red throughout the ’70s.
The scandals then were the sort Repubs can only wish for now. Veteran state Sen. Mike “The Cackler” Padden, ruler of Spokane Valley, gained fame as a “faithless elector” in 1976, when, at the age of 29, he rebelled against Republican orthodoxy and cast an electoral ballot for Ronald Reagan instead of incumbent president Gerald Ford — Padden’s always been a nervy sort. Wonder what he’d do now, given the chance?
Speaking of states: Out here in the real Washington, it’s a point of longstanding tradition to mock Washington, D.C., which isn’t a state, even though it thinks it is, and even though some of its residents think it should be.
Those same statehood advocates plan to vote for a “state” constitution in November as well as a potential name change guaranteed to sow confusion. The proposal would label the area-district-thingy as “State of Washington D.C.,” foregoing the long-sought old name of “New Columbia.”
The new D.C. abbreviation would stand for Douglass Commonwealth, in honor of Frederick Douglass, the African-American abolitionist who lived there back in the day, which is cool -- but this state of Washington business just promises to stir up even more head-scratching.
The new D.C. abbreviation would stand for Douglass Commonwealth, in honor of Frederick Douglass, the African-American abolitionist who lived there back in the day, which is cool, but this state of Washington business just promises to stir up even more head-scratching. Plus, it’s a complete flip-flop from the old days when the real Washington chose its name. In the 19th century, according to David Ammons, communications director for the Secretary of State and former dean of the Olympia press corps, backers of statehood here were all for a different name: Columbia.
Back then, D.C. power-brokers blocked the name of choice, fearing it would cause too much confusion. More than a century later, those same power-brokers turn the tables on us. Talk about East Coast bias.