Five signs of the apocalypse and/or spring in the Puget Sound.
2 Inexplicable, random phenomena are reported, such as men wearing flaming underwear while passed out in the Spanaway Walmart bathroom.
3 Lawmakers in Olympia adjourn briefly, go outside to see their shadow, then return to their warm den for six more weeks (months?) of winter.
4 North Korean leader Kim Jong-un names his two newest intercontinental ballistic missiles “Fat Man” and “Tacoma Boy.”
5 Mayors start calling news conferences to share information about identifying marks on their private parts.