Imagine, if you will, that your family decides to go to the movies – a little flick called “Politics and Madness.” When you get to the theater, you find they have only 200 seats and those are all occupied by people who were first in line – again!
Every week, every month, every year – every time you try to see that melodramatic movie – the same constant 200 patrons get there first, and the theater manager never lets you or anyone else have a chance at those 200 seats.
Similarly, imagine if you want a chicken for dinner. Sadly, the supermarket, which has 500 chickens in the cooler, will sell only 100 of those frigid birds to the first 100 customers
Even if you love eating chicken, chicken eaters have a pecking order dictating that the store manager, who is lord of the chickens, will decide who gets a chicken early and who doesn’t. Such unfairness is a fowl matter.
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In fact, that policy is so unfair that it makes a person suspect communists are involved.
Oh, I wouldn’t go so far as to say those chickens are full-fledged Moscow-red communists, but at the very least, they are Rhode Island Reds.
Similarly, imagine a huge nation made up of 50 states – but only two of those privileged states are allowed to vote days ahead of all other voters in the nation. Forty-eight of all the 50 states in this huge country are cheated.
When it comes to the start of voting in primary elections across the nation, the same two states go first – they alone, never anyone else.
That happens because leaders of all those 48 swindled states are asleep at the switch. Some of them are too chicken to try one of these years at running for president.
Most of the governors, senators and House members from the neglected states harbor a secret desire to eat their nightly chicken in the White House. Their secret ambition dictates that they don’t want to irk the first two states, those self-centered twits who stubbornly cling to their bizarre privilege of being the first to vote at primary election time.
Why, you ask, does it matter that 48 states never get a chance to vote first?
Sooner or later, during the long primary season, every state will get to vote. Many will finally have their useless say long past the reality of which candidate is obviously going to win.
Voting delayed can be participation denied. How wrong it is to let the citizens of two states – the same two states – decide for all the rest of us which candidates should be sorted out and sent home?
This presidential year is typical. The Democratic contenders began with five candidates while the Republicans offered about 17 presidential competitors. If we don’t have a single national primary election all on one day (and maybe we should) then what you get is Iowa and New Hampshire eliminating allegedly questionable candidates for all of us.
But beware: Even if letting two little self-important states find a suitable president for all of us, that isn’t the only reason for robbing the rights of the people living in the other 48 states.
Give your state and mine a chance at the incoming money and the excitement, and let Iowa and New Hampshire next time go stand at the lonely end of the line.
The current system reminds me of comedian Jerry Seinfeld’s angry soup-restaurant cook – known as the Soup Nazi – who yells “no soup for you” at his customers
In that same spirit, I am the Chicken Nazi and I say sincerely to Iowa and New Hampshire: No chicken for you.
Contact Bill Hall at firstname.lastname@example.org or at 1012 Prospect Ave., Lewiston, ID 83501.