The dream is alive: A restroom in Elbe

THE NEWS TRIBUNE
Last updated: September 4th, 2008 01:13 AM (PDT)

Restrooms in a town may not sound like a big deal, but humans come equipped with only one bladder, and it’s not all that big. There are no public commodes between Spanaway and the interior of Mount Rainier National Park – a good hour-and-a-half drive that often leaves that small bladder screaming for relief.

For Eatonville, this is a brilliant marketing move. Picture the welcome signs: “Eatonville, the Restroom Capital of State Route 161.” “Eatonville, the Little City that Cares.” “Eatonville, the Town Where You Can Do Your Business.”

The amazing thing about this story isn’t what’s happening in Eatonville, it’s what hasn’t happened in another town, Elbe.

Elbe’s also a logical – make that compelling – location for a public privy. On the long drive to Mount Rainier, that’s about the point where the human bladder loses all elasticity.

From anywhere, it’s a long stretch to Elbe. People reach the town, and they assume that the evidence of civilization in Elbe means there’s a convenience somewhere.

Sorry. Desperately disappointed visitors have been known to relieve themselves in the bushes.

People have been talking about the need for public facilities in or near Elbe for a long time. The News Tribune’s library database reaches back to the spring of 1991 – and it shows that the Elbe toilet question was already old news then.

Over the years, the Legislature, the Pierce County Council and even the federal government have earmarked money for the project.

The late U.S. Rep. Jennifer Dunn secured more than $1 million from Congress. Planners spent $600,000 on engineering and design. (How much original engineering work does a restroom need, by the way? You’d think the designs would be pretty standard by now.)

Nothing came of it. Part of the problem may have been the best being the enemy of the good. The state Department of Transportation at one point produced plans for a $6 million excretory complex with 16 toilets and 100 parking stalls. The idea was to anticipate expected demand for decades hence. But money got tight in 2002, and the Legislature shifted the earmarked money elsewhere.

Suggestion: Downsize the plans and get something built. Most people doing the tight-leg shuffle or potty dance would prefer a couple real-life toilets to a grand destination lavatory that is too expensive to build.

The Elbe restrooms are still supposedly on the way. Estimated time of arrival, according to the DOT: 2013. Five years hence and more than 20 years into the discussion.

When you gotta go, that’s an awful long time to wait.

Originally published: September 4th, 2008 01:13 AM (PDT)