If you think I've run out of Anchorman references, well, you just don't have any idea the depth of my limitless knowledge of mundane comedies. The amount of Dumb and Dumber references I can make is obscene.
People call me the Bry man; I'm the stylish one of the group.
I can't run the rest of the quote unfortunately.
Chad Gaudin is not a pretty man.
And his numbers --- 2-5, 6.16 ERA are not better to look at ... so of course he'll probably give the M's fits tonight. 1-2-3 in the first.
Garrett Olson also has a smooth first inning.
Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.
Garrett Olson gives up a lead-off "jager" bomb to Kevin Kouzmanoff to start the inning. So the Padres won't be shut out for the third straight game.
Seattle gets runners first and second, but Jamie Burke grounds into a 4-6-3 DP to end the inning.
No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Gaudin gets through another 1-2-3 inning, Olson does as well.
They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works, every time.
The Mariners have themselves a lead. Russell Branyan leads off with a single and then comes all the way around to score on Junior's double off the wall in left-center. Then Jose Lopez follows with a two-run homer. Larry Stone just informed me thanks his far superior Cal education to my Montana/DSU degrees that Lopey is on pace for 105 RBI. So he's got that going for him, which is nice ... wait wrong movie.
In the bottom of the inning, Griffey makes a nice little leaping/hopping catch in left. Not vintage Griffey defense, but it was a catch. Yet, the Padres tie the game as Chase Headley crushes an 0-2 90 mph fastball on the inner half into the third deck of the Western Metal Supply Co building. That's the second 0-2 homer Olson gave up today. We're tied 3-3.
Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy!
The Mariners play add on as Gutierrez draws a walk, moves to second on Olson's sac bunt and to third on Ichiro's single. He later scores on Nick Hundley's ill-advised pick-off attempt to third. But the Mariners don't get another run as Ichiro is stranded at third when Branyan strikes out and Beltre grounds out.
Olson goes 1-2-3 through the bottom of the order.
Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.
Did you know Garrett Olson's longest career outing was 8 1/3 innings last season with the Orioles -- against the Mariners, of course. He makes it through six, but Mike Carp will make his big league debut to pinch hit for him. Fittingly Carp draws a walk. But is stranded.
In the bottom of the inning, Mark Lowe gets a couple of outs and gives up a walk and brings up Nick Hundley, who strikes out. But the more interesting aspect of the at-bat was that Hundley fouled a screamer up into the press box that drilled the back of CBS sportsline columnist Scott Miller's laptop. It hit so hard it shattered the screen of his lap top. The screen is unreadable. Every writer always worries it's going to happen them, and I believe it happened to Kirby Arnold of the Everett Herald as well.
Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out of here, Panda Jerk.
Great catch on a line drive by Yuni, but a dumb off balance throw to first when he had no chance. The ball skipped by Branyan, but the limited foul territory never allowed Brian Giles to advance an extra base. That might have saved a run on David Eckstein's soft single, but Giles made it to third, so the Mariner and Sean White have runners on the corners with two outs and Adrian Gonzalez, he of the 22 homers up at the plate. White pitches carefully to Gonzalez and walks him - his second of the game.
So it's my one-night drinking buddy Kevin Kouzmanoff and the bases loaded ... He hits hard right to Adrian Beltre, who gloves and tags third. A rally averted and my lead saved.