I also promised to devote a future column to the best submission. Lorraine Howell, author of the 2006 book, “Give Your Elevator Speech a Lift!” critiqued the submissions and picked a winner. See if you agree with her.

ROY PARFITT, GIG HARBOR

“I’m a man for all seasons; a writer, a poet, a golfer, a community volunteer and a world traveler. I’m a veteran who does not support this war, but who supports our troops. I voted for George Bush, but I’m sorry I did. I was a vice president in Silicon Valley until I started my own business, sold it and retired at age 57. And if I play my cards right, I won’t run out of money until I’m 125 years old.”

Howell says: I liked his spunkiness, but I thought it was too long. I gave him a B+ for effort and for raising the issue that anybody can have an elevator speech. It’s not just for people to use in the workplace.

CHRIS NYE, UNIVERSITY PLACE

“MLS4owners.com is a real estate advertising firm. For a flat fee we advertise your property in your local Multiple Listing Service and then syndicate the listing to over 100 local and national real estate Web sites. Our customers have sold more than half a billion dollars of real estate while saving more than $20 million in commissions. Because of our success, we don’t get a lot of Christmas cards from real estate brokers. So if you know anybody who wants to stay in control of their real estate transaction while saving thousands of dollars in closing costs, have them visit our Web site at MLS4owners.com.”

Howell says: Way too long. It’s a B-. There’s too much of a preamble. When people talk about what they do, they tend to talk “process” rather than “results.” This is an example of it. If you really want to see the elevator speech, it was hidden in the last sentence: “… if you know anybody who wants to stay in control of their real estate transaction while saving thousands of dollars in closing costs, have them visit our Web site at MLS4owners.com.” You could rework it to say, “I help people save thousands on their real estate transactions.”

A.J. CUE, TACOMA AREA

“I’m an animal handler for a Humane Society, spokesperson at KIRO TV, a proofreader and docent at the LeMay Museum, the puffin observer for the zoo, and I walk dogs to benefit the Elephant Sanctuary. Since I retired I’ve worked for three automotive museums, zoos, aquariums, and humane societies. Would you like to be a volunteer?”

Howell says: He lost it for me in the first phrase. When you say things in threes, people remember them. He listed too many things. I gave him a B.

SAM WALTERS, TORONTO

“I provide my clients with effective, practical selling skills that enables them to improve their sales performance on a continuous basis, so that a culture of learning and skill development grows, as both a standard and a reflection of company values … and remind them to have lots of fun on the way!”

Howell says: I gave him a B+ because it’s shorter than most of the others. If I were talking to him, I’d tell him to stop at the word “performance” and add the last phrase “… and remind people to have lots of fun on the way.”

MAURA GARRETT, OLYMPIA

“As the volunteer Community Development Officer and primary grant writer for City Gates Ministries here in Thurston County, I am a practical idealist. My life’s work is creating constructive connections between peoples along with opportunities for backing lasting success. This work benefits our neighbors – the poor, the working poor, the disabled and the homeless – by strengthening City Gates Ministries and our partners to help each person where they are at in life. City Gates Ministries turns no one away.”

Howell says: She does really important work, but it’s way too long … a B-. She talks more about the company than the results. What she really does is raise money through grants and donations for City Gates Ministries, which helps the working poor and the disabled.

MARGARET GRANT, ISSAQUAH

“I’m Margaret Grant, with Noevir, one of the top 50 cosmetics companies in the world. If you or someone you know wants to stop the aging clock, as I did 20 years ago when I was 50, you’ll want to experience the exclusive Noevir Difference, too. I provide solutions for every skin concern, whether you want to attain a better skin appearance, maintain an investment you may have already made in your skin, or protect the good skin genetics has provided, and if helping others attain improved health and appearance while using the only natural-to-the-skin products in the world sounds interesting to you, let’s talk. Maggie Grant, with Noevir, natural to YOUR skin.”

Howell says: I gave her a B- and big points for being 70 and still active and working. But it’s too long for an effective Elevator Speech. I would stop at the “aging clock” phrase. Maybe I’d rework it to say, “I introduce people to Noevir anti-aging products.”

ANN GOSCH, TACOMA

“I help people communicate more clearly in print. Whether you’re writing a book or brochure, manual or report, I can help you say what you want to say in a way that matches your professional image. My company is byGosch Editorial Services and I’m Ann Gosch.”

Howell says: I gave her an A-. I thought she did the best of the bunch. You can say it in 10 seconds: “I can help you say what you want to say in print in a way that matches your professional image.”

Watch for a future column about Gosch.

The following submissions came from people who have worked with Howell to polish their Elevator Speeches. So we agreed not to include them in the competition.

However, Howell said, these statements work because they are all fairly brief, clear and to the point – key ingredients of a great elevator speech.

NANCY JUETTEN, BELLEVUE

“What I really do is help people get seen, heard, and celebrated in their own backyards and beyond through the impact and credibility of free publicity.”

SHEILA DEMETRIO, BELLEVUE

“I am an executive recruiter who will find you top-notch people to add to your team.”

CAROL VIPPERMAN, SEATTLE

“I lead a nonprofit organization that broadens understanding and long-term economic and community relationships with Russia for a safer world.”

MICHELE LISENBURY CHRISTENSEN, SEATTLE

“Working with (Elements of) Power transforms women leaders whose success is running them ragged. We teach them a new set of skills that make things a whole lot easier.”

Howell’s final word: Remember, the purpose of the elevator speech is to get the conversation going, not to be a data dump. Less is more.

Dan Voelpel: 253-597-8785

dan.voelpel@thenewstribune.com

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