The Nose: Best police call of 2014? Two old men brawling at Gig Harbor YMCA

The Schnoz wishes the happiest of new years to you and yours, from snores and ours.

Now is the time when Puget Sounders dare to dream. In 2015, you’ll finally get in shape to climb Mount Rainier, by golly. And the Mariners will win the World Series.

Bertha will resume tunneling a highway hole in Seattle, and road crews will fill all the potholes in Tacoma. Legislators will enjoy balanced budgets, bipartisan bonhomie and backrubs from Sen. Pam Roach.

Now is the time when folks look boldly forward, forgive and forget, renew their faith in mankind — yada yada yada.

But indulge us today as we look back to one last event in 2014 that nearly escaped our sniffer.

It was a simple assault reported in the police blotter of our sister weekly newspaper, The Peninsula Gateway.

“Dec. 16 — Police were called to the YMCA in Harbor Hill for an altercation where a 76-year-old male suspect head-butted a 64-year-old male.”

Seems the two had an argument in the locker room. Perhaps things got a little heated in the sauna.

“The victim claimed the feud between the two men began because the victim drives a Rolls Royce and the suspect drives an Austin Healy.”

Well, sure. But at least the cad wasn’t driving a Bentley!

So thank you, gentlemen, for reinforcing every stereotype the world has about Gig Harbor.

Thanks for serving as role models for the kiddos down at the Young Men’s Christian Association.

And thanks for bringing a modern twist to traditional New Year’s symbolism.

For centuries, the old year would depart as a bearded old man wearing a white robe.

2014 went out as two grumpy old men wearing towels and shower sandals.