There’s a lot riding on your decision.
You’ve had months to weigh your options, and now it all comes down to this.
You don’t want to blow it.
I’m talking, of course, about Halloween — and more specifically the costume you will choose this year.
The good news is you’ve got plenty of options. When it comes to dressing up, you won’t have to choose between the lesser of two evils.
But you will have to choose.
Luckily, for Tacoma and Pierce County residents who really want to shine, I’ve compiled a quick list of sure-fire bets. Take note:
Anti-Christ Pat McCarthy
Want to scare the bejesus out of your friends and coworkers? This year’s Anti-Christ Pat McCarthy costume won’t disappoint.
As you know, the outgoing Pierce County Exec is vying for statewide office, in a race with Republican Mark Miloscia for State Auditor. Earlier this month, McCarthy drew the wrath of former Mukilteo watch salesman and anti-tax initiative crusader Tim Eyman, who subject-lined one of his many — many — emails with this not-so-subtle accusation: “State Auditor’s race: Pat McCarthy is the anti-Christ.”
Eyman was decent enough to clarify in the body of the email, writing: “OK, that's an exaggeration. Pat McCarthy is not the anti-Christ … she's only in league with the anti-Christ.”
Sexy Un-Postmarked Ballot
There’s been a trend in Halloween costumes that’s hard to miss: Eroticizing things that, well, really shouldn’t be eroticized.
In Pierce County, this is the year to ride that trend to its obvious nadir — the Sexy Un-Postmarked Ballot.
Given the recent brouhaha over the Pierce County Auditor’s well-meaning but perhaps overly simplistic (and potentially confusing) instructions to mail ballots by Nov. 4, there’s a good chance that folks at your Halloween party will be talking about whether or not they plan to mail their ballot.
And if they do decide to trust the U.S. Postal Service with their democratic contribution, and they plan to wait until the last minute to do so, there’s sure to be at least a little concern over whether said ballot will be postmarked in time.
That’s where you come in. These days, Halloween is really about taking something of-the-moment, however briefly — like Ken Bone, or Daniel’s white vans, or Harambe — and needlessly sexing it up.
You can thank me for this idea later.
Marty Campbell’s Red Sweater
In 2016, no wardrobe decision made more headlines in Tacoma than City Councilman Marty Campbell’s donning of a red sweater at a City Council meeting in early March. Now you can make headlines on Halloween by paying homage to it.
“I just kind of decided to wear it today. People can draw from it what they want,” Campbell said at the time.
Sure you did, Marty. Maybe it was laundry day?
The “Rudolph-red sweater,” as former News Tribune scribe Adam Ashton described it, was seen by many as a solidarity move with the anti-methanol Red Line Tacoma members who packed into council chambers, clad in red, to voice their concerns over Tacoma’s now-dead proposed methanol plant. Whether it was or not remains a matter of interpretation.
Speaking of methanol …
Ghost of Tacoma’s Methanol Plant
What’s spookier than the largest methanol plant in the known world?
The ghost of the largest methanol plant in the known world, of course, who’s come back to Tacoma to eternally haunt all those dastardly activists who prevented it from being built.
Extra points if you get your friends to dress up as The Blast Zone.
You know what, scratch that. Bad idea.
If Tacoma really does go forward with the plan to go “all in” with its Click network, expanding Click Cable TV into internet and phone service, what will happen to all those internet service providers that currently offer internet service via the city’s broadband network?
I have no idea. But it’s at least worth considering a troubling scenario where they become zombie ISPs, roaming Tacoma and menacing citizens of the City of Destiny.
Of course, by “menacing citizens,” I mean offering reasonably priced internet service.
Talk about spooky.