The Nose

The Nose: Champagne bar alert! Plus, city vacancies and a correction from mere elected officials

Hey Grit City! Did you know someone’s trying to refine your salty image?

The latest attempted touch of class is a champagne bar called The Blue Octopus, slated to open on the waterfront in February, according to Your Fishwrap’s Stylin’ Sue Kidd, apparently on sabbatical from her latest taco truck tour.

You heard that right — a champagne bar in Tacoma, focused on French bubblies. The horror! Quick everybody, time to come up with some countermoves before the City of Destiny loses its well earned unkempt reputation.

The danger hasn’t been this great since pesky downtown advocates tried to erect an ill-fated 420-foot spire-slash-tower thingy back in the aughts, in the name of commerce or something. The blatantly Freudian proposal (described by knowing newsies as Needle envy) died mercifully, but it took plenty of grumpy grit energy to put it down for good.

A champagne bar is more insidious, because that’s how alcohol works. The Blue Octopus also plans to serve upscale beer, a truly sneaky move likely to lure unwary Tacomans, who have been known to quaff the occasional Euro draft.

For those eager to keep Tacoma scruffy, try these simple tips:

▪  Go to the Tacoma Tideflats and take moody selfies in front of industrial landscapes.

▪  Go to the Chambers Bay Golf Course and take moody selfies in front of rock quarry remnants.

▪  Reorganize your scrapbook of old Peter Callaghan columns.

▪  Lurk near the Brown and Haley Factory Store on East 26th Street, holding a sign that says WILL WORK FOR ROCA.

▪  Stop by The Fish House Cafe on the Hilltop and order hush puppies for everybody.

Once you’ve done all that, you’re allowed to order one mimosa from the Blue Octopus. Fraternize responsibly!

Pretty vacant: Nothing turns out T-town’s wannabe influencers like an open City Council seat. No fewer than 55 people have thrown their names in the hat to replace Victoria Woodards, who resigned her council seat last month to run for mayor.

The list of names, compiled by Crankin’ Candice Ruud, presents quite the cross-section: artists, activists, business types, an ex-council member, a former newsie, and The Sniff’s favorite, Sonics Guy (The Sniff sent in an application, too — apparently it was rejected. Something about requiring candidates to have an entire body.)

Amazing, isn’t it? You’d think people would have better things to do than wield sleep-inducing land-use powers, send texts while yawning at public comment and voting according to predetermined plans, but no!

The real question, pointed out by the Fishwrap’s Mad Matt Driscoll this week, is whether the council opts for another rubber stamp type to appease the preferences of Mayor Marilyn “Khaleesi” Strickland and Co., or a candidate who might speak out of turn occasionally.

This kind of stuff gets sticky quickly. It turned feisty in 2015, when Mysterious Forces backed a failed challenge to Councilman Anders Ibsen, known for — gasp — occasionally disagreeing with the council majority and even worse, disagreeing in public. As everyone knows, that’s the sort of behavior that can topple cities.

Others can talk about the need for healthy civic discourse and all that. Who cares! What matters is entertainment. Ever wonder why no one binge-watches City Council meetings? Has anyone checked the ratings for enforced harmony? Come on — let’s see a little pushing and shoving!

Department of Corrections: It seems a pair of electeds are taking issue with last week’s Sniffings concerning new Pierce County Councilwoman Pam Roach’s window-rattling entrance into Pierceland.

Close readers will recall that Roach understandably mistook Councilman Derek Young for a Mere County Staffer rather than an elected official, and much hilarity ensued.

In response, Young and council Chairman Doug Richardson offered a clarification (for real) regarding future descriptions of their respective districts. Take it away, mere council members!

Dear Nose,

While we appreciate your attention to County Council business, Chair Richardson and I are concerned about an egregious error found in today’s column.

“Young, reportedly taken aback, said he was in fact an elected official, an actual decider representing the voters of mighty District 7, as in Gig Harbor and surrounding environs (emphasis mine).”

In fact, Chair Richardson serves the Mighty 6th District, and I the Fightin’ 7th District. While the mix-up is understandable, trademark law and the pride of our respective peoples demand a correction. Please also make note in the TNT’s style guide for future reference.

Well done, mere council members! Your comment was registered. Please press 0 to listen to a real person who recorded a voice mail message!

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