The Nose

The Nose: Who wins, the Sonics or McMenamins? Plus, Trump stole our best guy!

Who gets here first — McMenamins at the old Elk’s Lodge in Tacoma, left, or the SuperSonics, perhaps at the KeyArena in Seattle?
Who gets here first — McMenamins at the old Elk’s Lodge in Tacoma, left, or the SuperSonics, perhaps at the KeyArena in Seattle? File photos

Man, the things the Sniff learns by using the new proboscis-print ID feature on this newfangled smartphone!

One spectacle: The third annual celebration of goats unleashed on weeds, clearing the path for a Tacoma McMenamins! Surely this heralds the immediate arrival of the long-sought hipster watering hole, promised to the City of Destiny back when Will Smith still had a few shreds of cool left.

Maybe, maybe not. The Sniff is prepared to take bets. Who gets here first — McMenamins or the Sonics?

Here in the City of Destiny, the wait for McMenamins depends on the whims of developers likely to encounter zero resistance from Tacoma leaders and their internal motto (“For the love of God, build it now.”)

Up north, the return of the Sonics hinges on how much bureaucratic chicanery Emerald City leaders will have to devise to pretend that a revamped KeyArena won’t turn the area around Seattle Center into a road-raging parking lot — oh wait, that’s how it is already! On second thought, maybe the wait for McMenamins is the easy pick.

The talented Mr. Benton: The Evergreen State is nothing if not generous. Look at the gift we just gave to the other Washington — none other than former state Sen. Don Benton, our best and brightest. His political career reads like the story of Scuffy the Tugboat’s heroic and misunderstood evil twin.

Come on — don’t pretend you don’t know that Benton was just tapped to lead the all-important U.S. Selective Service System, which runs the military draft, which ended back in 1973. Scoff all you want — that little federal agency is vital, and Benton is the ideal figurehead.

Apart from that he brings a wealth of D.C. experience: he just spent a bit more than two months as President Donald Trump’s “senior adviser” to the Environmental Protection Agency.

In that span, Benton proved his mettle, driving agency leader Scott Pruitt “batty,” which as everyone knows, is D.C.-speak for holding another Trump appointee accountable by talking over him all the time, which is the best way to get things done.

Don’t believe it? Ask Gov. Big Jay Inslee, who just happened to be visiting with Your Fishwrap’s editorial board when the Benton Selective Service bombshell hit the wires. Big Jay reacted with back-slapping praise.

“I couldn't think of a more perfect place for Sen. Don Benton than an agency that has no function,” Inslee said.

That’s bipartisanship, friends. History shows Benton’s Republican colleagues feel the same way. After all, they voted him out as state party chairman in 2000, after only eight months on the job. Benton had courageously refused calls for his resignation.

In the state Senate, he called a colleague “a trashy, tramp-mouthed little girl,” which is just the kind of high-flown rhetoric those coarse rubes in D.C. need to shake them out of their lowbrow affectations.

Down in Clark County, Benton’s home ground, county commissioners appointed him as the director of environmental services, a job that paid $154,000 annually and required eight years of experience he didn’t have, as well as a master’s degree in a related field, which he didn’t have either, but hey, quick learners and natural leaders like Benton don’t need background knowledge.

Doubtless that’s why he was fired three years later, and presumably, that’s why he took the brave step of suing his former employer for $2 million to cover his stress and mental health costs. Thank goodness he found a soft landing.

Channeling Trump: The Sniff reserves a soft spot for Ramtha, the 35,000-year-old Yelm resident who uses J.Z. Knight as a host body.

The old Atlantean warrior knows politics. A few short weeks ago, speaking through Knight, Ramtha voiced spirited support for Trump in a video recorded Dec. 8.

“That man is trumping deceit,” Ramtha said. “He doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t do drugs, he does business!”

Ooohh, catch that pun! Note that Ramtha/Knight said this while puffing on a pipeful of tobacco, hurling prophecy in that trademark baritone people used to spend fortunes to hear. Ramtha also predicted that Trump will enjoy the protection of aliens, when and if they arrive.

Fair enough — but The Sniff is inclined to rely on a vast network of unreliable sources who say the boxed wine has been flying off the grocery shelves in Yelm at an even greater rate than usual.

Got news for The Nose? Write to TheNose@thenewstribune.com. Twitter: @thenosetribune

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