The Nose

The Nose: Inslee a rootin’, tootin’ cowboy, right down to his carbon-neutral cap gun

During her two terms as Washington’s candy-distributor-in-chief, Gov. Chris Gregoire could count on an annual tradition: being haunted by Snores Truly every Halloween.

Her costume choices were put through the Nose grinder with ghoulish delight. She faced fashion scrutiny normally reserved for Hollywood A-listers walking the red carpet at the Oscars.

All in good fun, natch.

Alas, sometimes we don’t appreciate what we've got til it’s gone.

Gregoire's costumes seemed uncharacteristically warm and snuggly at the time. Here was a no-nonsense executive who helped end the Tacoma teachers strike and busted the chops of Big Tobacco, and what getups did she wear for Halloween? Elmo, Alice in Wonderland and Dora the Explorer, to name a few.

Maybe she was being ironic, but sorry, we weren't buying it.

Now we're left with Jay Inslee, who would look perfectly at ease in a Muppet suit. Instead, he has taken the gubernatorial costume closet in the opposite direction.

Last year, he and First Lady Trudi dressed up as pirates. This year, when they open the mansion doors from 6 to 7:30 p.m., they're going with a cowboy theme.

Maybe Inslee is trying to project a tough-guy image, sword drawn and gun blazing, as he fulfills his constitutional duty to hand out candy on Oct. 31.

Maybe his handlers decided the cheerful big galoot needs sharper edges, in contrast with Gregoire’s need for softer ones.

Maybe this is a sign of an implacable hero who will wrangle bipartisan support for a clean-fuel standard, transportation package and billions in new tax revenues for basic education.

Maybe Republicans will throw down their black hats in surrender, and the 2015 Legislature will end on time.

Sorry, we’re not buying that either.

Exploiting the toy store loophole: Meantime, the governor is sending a mixed message by brandishing a six-shooter around children.

We assume it hasn’t been subjected to a background check, and Inslee has said he supports Initiative 594.

At least he should be true to his causes: We assume Inslee will carry a carbon-neutral cap gun, wear certified-organic chaps and ride a stick pony harvested while using sustainable forestry practices.

Relax, moms and dads: Cowboy Inslee would never steer your children toward harmful treats.

He certainly won’t give them fattening grub that would conflict with his recently formed council to reduce childhood obesity.

And definitely no pot-infused gummy bears or chocolates. No way would he let the little buckaroos get their paws on marijuana edibles as long as he’s Washington’s chief lawman – no sirree, Bob.

In fact, parents shouldn’t fret at all about tricksters putting mind-altering treats in their kids’ candy bags – even though this is the first Halloween since retail pot shops opened in Washington.

Not according to the Pierce County Sheriff’s Department, anyway.

Sheriff spokesman Ed Troyer calls it the latest twist on the urban myth of tampered candy – a parental paranoia that dates back to false rumors of razor blades in apples in the ‘70s and ‘80s.

(The mood is more wary in Colorado, where Denver cops have put out an alert for parents to watch for pot-tainted candy.)

Here’s the funny part – Troyer says Washington stoners don’t fit the dirty trickster profile.

“These people are laid back, not terrifying,” he told the TV show Washington’s Most Wanted, “and they definitely aren’t going to give expensive candy to a kid just for the sake of doing it.”

In other words: “Hey, little dude, don’t bogart my lollipop.”

Hop aboard the Cannabus: If any of you are interested in exploring Tacoma’s laid-back, non-terrifying green scene, have we got news for you.

The Duchess of Downtown Tours, which uses a rented yellow school bus to take passengers on monthly Tacoma ART BUS Tours, has scheduled what it describes as “Tacoma's first Marijuana Tour” on Nov. 8. (More online at duchessof

downtowntours.com)

“It should be very, very educational,” Angela Jossy, aka the Duchess of Downtown, told The Schnoz.

Riders will visit Tacoma’s marijuana businesses, see a display of locally crafted glass pipes, ask questions, buy stuff and take home swag bags.

Of course there will be munchies (pizza).

There be no smoking on the bus, Jossy said, ‘cause that’s not legal.

Which is a shame, really, because we had a great name in mind for the tour.

Rolling Joints.

And who will drive the Cannabus?: We have no idea, but we’re hoping for a celebrity from the stoner world.

Turns out Cheech & Chong are performing that same night at the Emerald Queen Casino.

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