Through decades of Puget Sound history, the cool kids of the 206 area code have taunted we dweebs of the 253 with various colorful and unflattering words, many of them chronicled in this column.
Let’s just say we’re used to being poked by Needletown.
But not until last week had Tacoma been called “a slice of 1958 Seattle that broke off, rolled south and got snagged on a tree root on the shores of Commencement Bay.”
Nor had we ever seen T-Town depicted as “a city struggling to put a lipstick smile on an old and weary face” whose inhabitants are “a wild mix of Northwest Gen-Xers, old hippies, the desperately poor, a thin stratum of Old Money, and the largest concentration of rednecks west of Alabama.”
The author of those words should get high marks for bare-knuckled creative writing— the kind normally associated with the detective novels of former Tacoma resident Dashiell Hammett.
High marks for tact? Ah, no.
There’s also a chance he has a crummy sense of direction and got lost. Much of what he wrote fits Lakewood like a glove.
We’d be outraged, except we’re too drunk on moonshine and distracted by the rest of the rednecks lined up at the Tacoma Dome waiting for the 2016 monster-truck jam.
Last week he posted a review that gushed about the craft brews being made these days at Engine House No. 9 by local beersmith Shane Johns.
At least the Pour Fool got that part right. Too bad he had to yank our wallet chain about everything else Tacoma, including our taste for beer. He said it usually “stops at whatever is the current outer parameters of Anheuser Busch’s watery lager continuum.”
For beer connoisseurs, that must sound like a sad day in snobville.
For the rest of us? Sounds like happy hour!
And then came the hangover: PF’s review went over in T-Town like a pint of oaky amber ale with grace notes of caramel and a bloated, dead rat floating on top.
He got flamed by gobs of angry people on his website, Facebook page and elsewhere on the Interwebs.
The poor fool!
Since then, he’s been in full backlash-management mode. He inserted an addendum into his original review – for the first time in his 40 years as a professional writer, he claims – to make clear that he meant everything he said and would not be cowed by hypersensitive local yokels.
And then he inserted a 600-word sonnet professing his love for Dale Chihuly, Point Defiance Park, Cheney Stadium and this wonderful city that, unlike Seattle, has kept its “marvelous old architecture” and “not systematically slapped down all evidence of its past.”
Hmmm. Sounds like a guy who likes to chase his fancy brew with a waffle.
So, to recap: The Pour Fool is a malcontent who likes to have a drink, writes under a pseudonym and takes shots at Tacoma while simultaneously proclaiming his devotion to it.
Watch your step, pal. That’s been the Nose’s meal ticket for years.
Unmasking the fool: His name is Steve Body. He says he grew up in North Carolina and worked as a traditional objective journalist for 30-plus years before deciding he didn’t want to have to be “above the fray” anymore.
He told the Schnoz in an email that he lives in “Bellevoid (which is how I've referred to this awful place the entire eleven years I've ‘lived’ here) and we own a rental house in Tacoma, at present, and are planning to build one this spring/summer, where we will live.”
Come on down, Steve. The best thing about the 253? We welcome any SOB to our “wild mix” of misfits.
Now you see him, now you don’t: Congrats to that Gig Harbor man who scored $300,000 last weekend auctioning off his rare poster for the original “Frankenstein” film.
Got us thinking about our favorite monster movie from the early 1930s: “The Invisible Man.” It featured the classic line: “An invisible man can rule the world! Nobody will see him come, nobody will see him go!”
We hear they might do a remake — starring state Auditor (and Tacoma resident) Troy Kelley.
No hablo espanol: Don't be alarmed if you call Pierce County Councilwoman Joyce McDonald's personal cell phone only to be greeted by a Spanish-speaking answering machine.
She got a new phone and says she doesn't know how it happened.
Maybe. But lately it seems some county pols will try anything to fend off annoying inquiries from the TNT.