A brass band didn’t play. A confetti shower didn’t rain down. And a congratulatory call from Gov. Jay Inslee never came.
The Nose finally landed our 1,000th Twitter follower this week, after nearly four years of grueling tweetification using the handle @thenosetribune. We’d been eyeballing this milestone forever, like a Mount Rainier climber plodding past Camp Muir, looking up at the impossible summit in the distance.
When we finally got to 1,000, we assumed we’d be appointed to the Fraternal Order of Twits, or something. And yet it felt so anticlimactic — especially after some malicious former Tacoman named @callaghanpeter immediately unfollowed us and dropped us back to 999.
It’s not easy offering nuggets of Puget Sound history, insight and nasal irritation in 140 characters or less. It’s definitely not easy using social media to reach the TNT’s traditional AARP-eligible audience. Heck, even Grandma Nose doesn’t follow us on Twitter; she keeps asking us to program it into her VCR.
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But at least we have more followers than The Local Nose (a wine reviewer in Singapore), The Nose Doctor (a plastic surgeon in Dallas), the Roamin’ Nose (a cafe in Scotland), and Clint Dempsey’s Nose (random musings by a guy pretending to be the nose of the Seattle Sounders soccer star).
Oh, and we’re also out-followering the powerful mother-and-son tandem of state Sen. Pam Roach and Pierce County Council Chairman Dan Roach, combined! (So what if Dan doesn’t have a Twitter account. That’s his problem if he chooses to live in the past, like the lead singer of a Bee Gees tribute band.)
One nifty thing about Twitter is that it provides a pithy way to remember the year that soon will be gone — high points and low points, historical reference points and satirical counterpoints.
And we all could use more pith in our diet, right?
So here’s a quick trip through 2015, from the Schnozzola’s tweet files. (Note to Grandma: The # and @ symbols are confusing. So just ignore them, like you do with traffic signals.)
Jan. 19: Last day for the ferry #Kalakala. Scrap yard on Thursday. No pardon coming from the governor, or ferry godmother?
Feb. 2: Create yer own #SuperBowl caption: 1. @Seahawks coach @PeteCarroll ducks the Gatorade shower that never arrived.
Feb. 2: Caption 2. @Seahawks coach @PeteCarroll prays @katyperry and flying firecracker will get him out of there.
Feb. 2: Caption: 3. @Seahawks coach @PeteCarroll prepares to barf after what he just witnessed.
Feb. 13: King of Norway’s coming this year! PLU hasn’t been this excited since the vending machines added lefse.
Feb. 25: Tacoma mayor’s State of City speech costs $50 to get in. We assume they’re serving foie gras and Dom Perignon?
March 12: 100 yrs ago today, the 1915 Legislature adjourned with music and confetti. If it ever ends this year, maybe a DJ and T-shirt cannons?
April 10: 30 years ago today, Gov. Booth Gardner declared Louie Louie Day. Did he duck media questions by saying “Me Gotta Go”?
April 17: Tonight’s “Menopause, The Musical” show @BroadwayCenter has 7 seats left! We’re still waiting for premiere of “Erectile Dysfunction, The Musical.”
May 8: Best Facebook comment of day: “If University Place changes name to Chambers Bay, then The Nose should change name to The Ass.” Well played!
May 18: 35 yrs ago today, Mt St Helens blew. Not far away Rainier smiled knowingly. “You ain’t seen nuthin yet, suckers.” #LaharHarHar
June 1: Tiger Woods and entourage scope out @ChambersBayGolf holes. Or nesting osprey. Or cute babes. We’re not exactly sure.
June 16: Homeless problem in #Tacoma would end if they just keep up giant tents after #USOpen @ChambersBayGolf. #BrilliantIdeas
July 1: To cool off today, we thought briefly about going to @PierceCoLibrary or @TacomaLibrary. But all those unread books always make us feel guilty.
July 14: Ahem #Seattle. 142 yrs ago today, Northern Pacific named #Tacoma its Western railroad terminus. #SuckOnThatNeedletown
July 24: RIP, E.T. In our heart, you are and always be “the” walrus. (Goo goo g’joob.)
July 24: Too bad @TacomaDome snubbed our idea to change name to Tacöma Döme for tonight’s Mötley Crüe concert. #EmbraceUmlauts
Aug. 17: About half of WA students failed new state math tests, so about 80 percent must’ve passed, right?
Aug. 21: New @WAStateFair bigfoot mascot has eyes that blink, shoot lasers. Or at least blink.
Sept. 25: We just saw two dudes in an old Subaru wagon snorting lines in the @newstribune entry drive. #JustAnotherFriday.
Sept. 30: Unlike @seattletimes, we have no homeless squatters in TNT building. Just us marginally employed folks living the dream.
Nov. 3: We miss the poll voting sticker. It always made us feel like a piece of fruit — ripe, sweet and juicy for a day.
Nov. 11: News alert: Our governor hates Christmas.
Nov. 12: KPLU is known for its jazz. But today we’re singing the blues.
Nov. 20: 30 yrs ago today, Microsoft 1.0 debuted, and having a mouse on one’s desk no longer led to calling an exterminator.
Nov. 25: TV station calls Pierce County’s Mark Lindquist “persecutor.” Typo or official title change?
Dec. 8: Breaking news: Mariners GM Jerry Dipoto trades state Auditor Troy Kelley to Boston for $900K and auditor to be named later.