Five reasons why moving to Canada might not be such a great idea.
1. The four seasons there include: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
2. President Trump might bomb the snot out of the country because of all the tremendously scary Syrian refugees settling there.
4. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is a milquetoast pretty boy. He'll be made to look like a subprime minister in trade negotiations with President Trump and will agree to give up Vancouver, B.C. Also: Canada's half of Niagara Falls.
5. Washington public school education didn’t adequately prepare us for metric system, and we don’t believe in conversion therapy.
Bonus sixth and seven spots for online readers only!:
6. Citizenship oath requires swearing loyalty to her majesty the queen — either Elizabeth II or Celine Dion.
7. There's a real chance we'll get stopped at the border while trying to smuggle turtles in our pants.