Five possible reasons the After-School Satan Club is ending its programs at a Tacoma elementary school this fall.
1 Children frequently pulled fire alarm due to brimstone flareups in supply closet. Also complained constantly about deviled eggs at snack time.
2 Could never find songbook of catchy Secular Humanist carols or druid incantations for kids to sing in December.
Digital Access for only $0.99
For the most comprehensive local coverage, subscribe today.
3 School district said they’d have to share space with other unpopular afterschool clubs: the lawyers, future members of Congress and fake news media clubs.
4 Hurricanes, wildfires, Kim Jong Un, Donald John Trump: Even in the most unchurched part of America, families are finding lots of reasons to pray lately.
5 After wisely deciding to change to less offensive club name, they unwisely went with newly available RedLine Tacoma.
And, back by popular demand, an online bonus Sixth Spot!
6 Got tired of confused parents showing up and saying, “Oops, we thought this was the Santa Club.”