Ho, ho, ho, where’d the magic go? Five signs Christmas wonder is waning in Washington state and America

In this week’s Five Spot column — Five signs we’re losing touch with the heart of Christmas.

1. Starbucks releases new seasonal cup this year with “Merry Coffee” theme. Because that other “C” word caused heads to explode in Seattle focus groups?

2. New Pew Research study ranks Washington among top 10 non-religious Christmas states (No. 5). Good heavens, that’s even more godless than California. (No. 9).

3. Confused by news media’s constant talk of “impeachment” and “clause,” Santa retains high-powered attorney. Ponders early retirement. Fears being charged with obstruction of chimneys.

4. Protests are planned outside Tacoma Elf Storage building, demanding closure of the facility and amnesty for undocumented elves.

5. President Trump mobilizes National Guard for duty in War on Christmas, drafts executive order to deport anyone caught saying “Happy Holidays.”

And a bonus Sixth Spot for online readers only! -

6. Federal Aviation Administration orders grounding of all sleighs until nosedive-prevention software is fully certified.

This story was originally published December 14, 2019 at 8:00 AM with the headline "Ho, ho, ho, where’d the magic go? Five signs Christmas wonder is waning in Washington state and America."