We don’t need no stinking handshakes! Five replacements for the coronavirus era

Five handshake alternatives in today’s germy, coronavirus-infested world.

1. The awkward dude elbow bump. Made famous during ham-handed (ham-elbowed?) greetings recently exchanged by Washington Gov. Jay Inslee and Vice President Mike Pence. Ideal for when a fist bump seems too intimate.

2. The finger pistol point and wink. Shoot air bullets with both hands and make whizzing noises for extra enthusiasm. Not recommended when greeting gun-control advocates.

3. The footshake. Balance carefully on one foot while tapping inside of spare foot against inside of other person’s spare foot. Knock person off balance as a show of dominance. (The power footshake).

4. “Three Amigos” salute. Cross hands on chest, place hands on hips, turn head to right, thrust hips and cough. From 1986 movie comedy of same name. Most effective while wearing a very large sombrero.

5. The namaste. Press hands together and bow slightly. Good for showing mild submissiveness, or regret after a power footshake. Most effective while wearing yoga pants.

This story was originally published March 14, 2020 at 8:00 AM with the headline "We don’t need no stinking handshakes! Five replacements for the coronavirus era."