I hope you readers will help me free presidential candidate Donald Trump from the uncertainty he is stuck in. There are days when I swear he is pulling our leg.
Some days he may find himself realizing what an exhausting job president of the United States might be. As his campaign began, I thought at first he was just clumsy, accidentally saying things that would anger voters.
But something astonishingly different is happening in the Trump campaign. The more he seems to trip over his own tongue, the higher his polling numbers soar and the closer he comes to free lodging in the White House.
You would expect that Latino voters might vote for Latino candidates, just as I am inclined to vote for bald candidates. On the other hand, a candidate like Trump, who routinely offends Latino voters, would ordinarily be the kind of candidate who goes down in flames.
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The astonishing thing about Trump is that, even as he offends people, many of them support him anyway. Apparently some voters relish abuse, even if the relish is loaded with jalapeños.
For instance, I thought Trump’s campaign was dead in the water a few months ago when he more or less told Latinos to go live in Mexico. He didn’t exactly curry favor with Latinos, (and curry can be even hotter than a jalapeño) He threatened to send Mexican-Americans back home, where many of them didn’t come from.
Next Trump blatantly criticized Sen. John McCain, a war hero. Trump chastised McCain for not escaping from a North Vietnam prison.
Trump also made male-supremacist remarks about presidential candidate Carly Fiorina and other women. But his peeps seemed not to notice.
Then he came out against all Muslim immigrants, presumably offending many voters. Trump has topped the former, famous “Teflon candidate,” Ronald Reagan, who innocently had slips of the tongue. Trump’s rudeness is blatantly deliberate. That would knock most candidates out of any race.
Not Trump. If anything, he rises higher in the polls and laughs about his derogatory attacks on other candidates. No problem. If anything, the voters seemed to mistake him for insult comedian Don Rickles. But Rickles is kidding.
Meanwhile, it suddenly dawns on me that Trump loves to insult groups of people for the fun of it. It occurred to me that maybe Trump doesn’t want to be president. That’s an exhausting job. The staff wakes you in the middle of the night to listen to bad news. It’s one crisis after another. A president hardly ever has a moment of his own. Who could blame Trump if he wants out?
Maybe his current attitude is that it’s been a fun ride, but he’s not crazy enough to want to be president. You and I can certainly identify with that.
I’m guessing Trump keeps trying to drive his poll numbers down and insulting voters isn’t enough to escape something as horrible as being held a presidential prisoner in the White House.
Keep your eyes on Trump. It seems he can’t get rude enough to be liberated. So here’s some help for the poor devil:
▪ Don’t kiss the babies you encounter while campaigning. Slap them.
▪ Start referring to senior citizens as Social Security deadbeats.
▪ Don’t shake the hands of the ladies. Give them friendly pats on the bottom
▪ Kick dogs in public.
▪ Kick Sen. McCain in public. (Oh, you already did that.)
▪ Tell Pope Francis to go back where he came from.
▪ Tell your wife to go back where she came from.
But there is one development that is certain to free him from the danger of winning: He should announce that he has asked Hillary Clinton to be his running mate.
Contact Bill Hall at email@example.com or at 1012 Prospect Ave., Lewiston, ID 83501.