I got this text from my buddy Jason today. It said, that if you would have bet $100 on Stanford the first week of the season and continued to bet that money won each week on the Cardinal, you would now have $240,000. So basically you would have won enough to pay for your child's tuition at Stanford, or basically what Nick Holt gets for each win.
My response to that?
Yeah, well, so!
If you bet $100 on every one of my games and continued to roll over your winnings, you’d have about $240 dollars and a lot better gambling stories. Nobody wants to here about huge wins, they just want to hear about bad beats. Think about it. The best poker stories are when a guy loses to some idiot who got his third three on the “river.” Nobody wants to hear about you winning money unless you are giving them some of it. Ohhh, but people love to hear about you losing it.
"Hey Divish, tell that story about the time you were $1,200 dollars and Vegas and woke up seven dollars in your pocket."
Schadenfreude, it’s not just a name for a Volkswagen. It’s apparent in every one. I'm just as guilty.
Did I giggle when Tony LaRussa overmanaged that game in the World Series and it came back to haunt him? No. I laughed and laughed.
Am I happy whenever Blake Lively dumps whatever boyfriend she is with? Heck yes. A guy can dream, can’t he? I might have a shot with her.
Speaking of Dumb and Dumber, apparently there will be a sequel featuring Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels and directed by the Farrelly Brothers. I really don’t know how to feel about this. Should you really try and replicate perfection?
It’s like my first few weeks of picks, maybe I should have just given up after total domination and money making, there was no other place to go but down.
My three team tease of the week – Stanford, Oregon State and California, tease them get those extra six points and make some money.
Let's get to the picks and some clips
Washington State at Oregon (-35.5)
For Cliff Harris ...
Seriously man, what the hell were you thinking?
I was asked on the radio if these two teams played 1,000 times, how many times would the Cougs win? I think I said one. And even then, the Cougs would need a widespread outbreak of food poisoning to have that chance.
This is such mismatch. Even with a healthy Jeff Tuel, the Cougs couldn’t win. And it appears that the idea of “a healthy Jeff Tuel” isn’t possible for this season.
I don’t know about you. But acute compartment syndrome scares the hell out of me. The only thing scarier would be having to listen to Tim McCarver for an entire baseball season.
The pick … of course the Ducks are going to win. That’s a given. Did I really need to type that.
If I were a betting man … I think I’d take the points and hope that Chip Kelly doesn’t feel like tossing more dirt on the corpse that is Paul Wulff’s coaching career. Chipper took it easy on Colorado last week. The Ducks could have scored 100 on the Buffs and he let up. Plus, this would be another week for Oregon to rest Darron Thomas and LaMichael James and get them ready for Washington.
Colorado at Arizona State (-31.5)
Right now the Buffs are screaming, make the bad man stop. They are beat up. They are bad. And they have no wins in sight. Can you imagine that stellar game against Utah in the new “rivalry” game?
This is what it feels like to be Colorado right now ...
The pick …Oh come on, really? Really? Arizona State could commit 100 penalties, Vontaze Burfict could be run over by Ralphie and Dennis Erickson could drink beer on the sidelines for the entire game, and the Sun Devils would still win. But the question is by how much? Ahhhh yes. That’s should be the commercial for a sports book or Vegas. Football betting: keeping Colorado football games interesting this season.
If I were a betting man … I would give all those points. Colorado is Superbad (a movie for another day). On the bright side for the Buffaloes fans, ski season should be starting in the next week or two.
Oregon State at Utah (-5)
Wait, huh? Utah is favored? How the? What the? Excuse me? Yes, I know Oregon State has struggled this year. Yes, I know that Utah is playing at home in Rice-Eccles Stadium. But have you seen the Utes’ offense under quarterback Jon Hays. They are like Washington State under Kevin Lopina bad. There is no truth to report that Hays and Charlie Whitehurst are long lost brothers. But I do think this guy might be a better quarterback.
Oops wrong movie
The pick … Look Oregon State hasn’t been good this season. But they are still better than Utah. Sean Mannion looks to be a legitimate Pac 12 level quarterback. Mike Riley-coached teams always play better late in the season, and we are seeing that now.
If I were a betting man … Oh, I’ll take those five points, and run with them all the way to the bank.
California (-5.5) at UCLA
This is Rick Neuheisel right now …
You thought I was going to put the video of Harry Dunn on the toilet. Well, I’d like to keep my job. So I won’t be posting things like that.
The Bruins are done. I don’t know if Neuheisel is a good coach. I don’t know if the Bruins have talent. But I know they don’t have a good quarterback, and they don’t have much incentive anymore.
The pick …Cal is going to win this football game. I was assured by Cal alum Mike Curto that the Bears always play well against UCLA. My response? “A lot of teams always play well against UCLA.”
If I were a betting man … give the 5.5 and take the Bears. They are going to win by two touchdowns.
Stanford (-8) at USC
Why did I pick that? I just love that scene. It has nothing to do with this game.
The pick … Stanford is going to win. Why? Because they are better. Yes, Lane Kiffin won a relatively big game at Notre Dame last weekend. Notre Dame will lose to Stanford by 25.
If I were a betting man … eight points? Oh yeah, I will give you those eight, all it takes for Kiffin to go for two a couple of times and you are dancing.