Hey, Washington Post. Don’t tell us to Have a Nice Day.
“What cities have the most nice days in America?” the newspaper in the other Washington asked in a story published this week.
The Post then concluded that Tacoma and Olympia are in the top ten cities in America that have the most Nice Days.
“While it’s admittedly hard for even two people to agree on what ideal weather is, we’ve made an attempt to set up some goal posts and determine what parts of the United States have the most days with nice weather and which have the least,” writer
Tacoma ranked No. 9 and Olympia No. 10 on the list that puts Long Beach, Calif. in first place. All the other cities were either in California or Arizona.
Hold on here.
Yes, the weather lately has been hot and dry enough to melt an iced latte before you leave the Starbucks drive-thru.
But soon enough, the damp and squish will return. How will we be able to look the rest of soggy Washington in the eye now that we’ve been besmirched as having California-like weather?
To come up with the list, The Post made an assumption, “that people prefer days with moderately warm temperatures, at least partial sunshine, a light breeze, low humidity and no precipitation.”
Uh, excuse us. Have you been to this side of the country, Woodward and Bernstein?
The Post’s science determined that Tacoma has 86 “nice” days per year with Olympia tailgating close behind at 84 days.
We find that hard to believe. Cities with roughly 85 nice days a year do not grow moss like we do. They do not use secret code words (“bumbershoot”, “sun break”, “D.B. Cooper”) and they certainly do not build rain gardens.
Live like the mountain is out? Please. We give Mount Rainier the side eye if it dares to show itself when visitors are here. It’s the only way we can lament, “It’s too bad the mountain wasn’t out while you were here,” as we drop them off at the airport.
Like Sasquatch, Rainier must remain a myth to outsiders.
Seattle can’t snigger too loudly. It has a shameful 78 nice days per year. A whole 78 days where Seattle residents can’t walk around in the rain proving they don’t use umbrellas...uh, bumbershoots.
Have a Nice Day.