Pro tip: When driving drunk, it’s best to avoid police patrol cars

Editor’s note: Compiled from reports to Tacoma police.

July 24: The three homeless campers thought the open field looked like a good place to pitch a tent. The woman who lived nearby disagreed.

The dispatch call reported shots fired. Officers drove to the 3800 block of East G Street. One spoke to the campers. The oldest, 19, said he and his buddies were setting up camp near the Highway 7 interchange when a woman with blond hair and pink shorts approached them.

The women yelled and cursed and said the young men couldn’t camp on her property. The 19-year-old replied that they weren’t on her property (a fence separated it from the open field) and didn’t have to leave.

The woman said she would call police, walked into her house and came out with a gun. She came back, pointed it at them, and fired two shots in the air, the 19-year-old said. He and his friends ran. The two younger men, 17 and 16, backed up their friend’s account.

Other officers spotted the woman walking nearby and spoke to her. They looked for a weapon, but didn’t find one. The woman, 38, said she had yelled at the people behind her property.

What about the reported shots?

The woman said she set off some fireworks to scare the campers.

During the response, another witness called police to say he saw the woman throw a black object into a bush by her front door. Officers searched and found it: a 9 millimeter Ruger pistol.

The woman changed her story. She did have a gun, she said -- and she fired shots into the ground to scare off the campers.

Officers booked the woman into the Pierce County Jail on suspicion of intimidation with a weapon.

July 23: If you’re drunk, behind the wheel and trying not to attract attention, barely avoiding a head-on collision with a police patrol car won’t help your chances.

The Tacoma officer was on routine patrol, heading west on Center Street and preparing to turn left on Union Avenue.

As he eased to a stop, a black 2009 Mazda M3 careened north on Union, abruptly turned right, drifted into the officer’s turn lane and rolled straight toward the patrol car. The officer jerked his wheel to the right, barely avoiding the collision.

The Mazda rolled on. The officer wheeled his car around swiftly, flicked on his emergency lights and followed. Shortly, he pulled the Mazda over.

The driver, 25, apologized and said he got distracted when his phone rang during the turn. He slurred his words, and his eyes drooped.

How much had he had to drink?

“Not much,” the man said. “A couple beers.”

During the field sobriety test, the man tripped over his own feet. He couldn’t count backwards from 10 without screwing up. He took a breath test and blew a reading of .249, more than three times the legal limit of .08.

The officer told the man he was under arrest. The man said he understood and began to cry. The officer booked him into the Pierce County Jail on suspicion of drunken driving.

July 21: The old pretend-to-be-your-brother trick loses much of its effectiveness if you’re 3 inches shorter and 100 pounds lighter.

The dispatch call came in at 6:15 a.m. It reported a suspicious vehicle and possible trespassing near a drug store in the 7000 block of Pacific Avenue. The caller, a store employee, said a white SUV had been sitting in the parking lot for at least three hours. A man was inside and awake.

An officer drove to the lot and spotted the car, a white 2004 Toyota Highlander.

A man sat inside. He told the officer he was homeless and living in his car. He said he had no ID.

The officer asked for verbal identification. The man gave a name and a birthdate. Suspicious, the officer asked the man for his age and the last four digits of his Social Security number.

The man said he couldn’t remember his Social Security number, and slowly said he was 22.

The officer instantly knew the math was wrong. He ran records on the name the man had given. It listed him as 6 feet four inches tall, 265 pounds. The man in the car was about 6 feet 1 and skinny, maybe 150 pounds.

The officer warned the man about providing false information. The man said the state had always listed his height incorrectly and that he’d lost a lot of weight.

The officer ran a quick records check with cross-referencing, and found a previous booking photo that matched the man in the car — but the name was different. It was also attached to an active felony arrest warrant.

The officer told the man he was under arrest and cuffed him. The man stuck to the story of his name for a while, then gave in. He said he’d given his brother’s name. He said he lied because he knew he had a warrant and he was scared.

The officer booked the man into the Pierce County Jail on the warrant and suspicion of providing false information.

This story was originally published July 29, 2017 at 2:42 PM with the headline "Pro tip: When driving drunk, it’s best to avoid police patrol cars."