Crime

Police beat: A golf club, a purple bathrobe and late-night bark-spreading

Editor’s note: Compiled from reports to Tacoma police.

May 24: Apart from minor variations, the scene could have been lifted from “The Big Lebowski” — a man wearing boxer shorts and a golf club, ranting at another man for breaking the windows of his car.

Officers on routine patrol spotted the scene in the 6200 block of Pacific Avenue. The man in shorts, 20, carried a golf club and chased another man, 30, who wore pajamas and no shoes. It was 9 a.m.

The golfer pulled up when he saw the officers, and shouted, “He broke my windows!”

Officers told him to put down the golf club. The man dropped it instantly. He and his girlfriend said they had been sleeping when they heard yelling and glass breaking outside.

Looking out their window, they saw the pajama-clad man throwing rocks at the golfer’s van. Both windows on the driver’s side fell to pieces under the onslaught.

Looking out their window, they saw the pajama-clad man throwing rocks at the golfer’s van. Both windows on the driver’s side fell to pieces under the onslaught.

The golfer and his girlfriend said they rushed out to confront the man, who ran away. They didn’t know him and didn’t know why he attacked the van.

Officers cuffed the man in pajamas and read him his rights. Why did he throw rocks at the van?

The man said he was just “cleaning up the neighborhood.”

Where did he live? The man said he didn’t remember.

What was his name? The man provided two options. One was conventional. The other was “Duck Duck Goose.”

The man was calm and happy, the police report states. He showed no remorse. Asked if he had taken any drugs, he said he only drank water.

Officers booked the man into the Pierce County Jail on suspicion of malicious mischief.

May 23: The warning came from three young men who waved an officer down in the 2900 block of South 38th Street at 12:30 a.m.

The potential danger came from a woman in a purple bathrobe who had stumbled into a nearby convenience store.

“Really drunk,” the young men said, pointing to a silver Hyundai SUV nearby. The men saw the woman drive up to the business. They worried about what would happen if she drove away.

The officer parked nearby and waited. The woman stepped out of the store, into the car, and zipped into an adjoining driveway, a burger joint that was closed.

The officer rolled into the parking lot and followed the car behind the back of the building. The SUV lurched away, back to the street, turned into another parking lot, swerved into South Pine Street and stopped for a red light, tires screeching.

Traffic hindered the officer briefly; he lost sight of the car, caught up several blocks later, and saw the SUV take a wide left turn before it pulled into a driveway in the 3500 block of South Alaska Street.

The woman, 40, was home – but not for long. The officer turned on his emergency lights and approached the car on foot.

The woman, 40, was home — but not for long. The officer turned on his emergency lights and approached the car on foot.

The driver’s door was open. So was the woman’s mouth. Slurred words poured out, along with a liquor-laden fog. A 24-ounce can of Bud Light sat on the floorboard of the passenger seat.

How much had the woman had to drink?

A beer, 14 hours earlier, she said.

Any medications?

“Percocet, lithium,” the woman said, adding another word that started with M. The officer couldn’t make it out.

Asked to step out, the woman leaned against the patrol car for support.

“I’ll admit I’m a little (messed) up right now,” the woman said.

The officer tried field sobriety tests. The woman could barely stand. The officer gave up for her safety, the report states.

The woman refused a field breath test. The officer told her she was under arrest. She said she understood.

A records check showed the woman’s license was suspended, due to prior drunken driving arrests. She wasn’t supposed to drive without an ignition interlock device. The SUV showed no sign of one.

At police headquarters, the woman asked if the building was “a bouncy castle.” She submitted to a breath test. The readings: .27 and .26, more than three times the legal limit of .08.

The woman alternated between laughing and crying. She said she was two weeks away from getting her kids back. She said she was pregnant, eight weeks along.

The officer booked her into the Pierce County Jail on suspicion of DUI.

May 20: The yard work excuse is a rare ploy, possibly because it rarely succeeds — especially at 2:30 a.m.

An officer on routine patrol at that hour noticed a man riding a BMX-style bike in the 8200 block of Pacific Avenue. The man wore dark clothing, and no helmet.

The officer watched. The man’s pattern was regular: He pulled into the parking lots of closed businesses, back to the sidewalk, into the next parking lot, and so on.

At the 7900 block, near another closed business, the man disappeared for longer than before. The officer rolled forward and saw the bicycle lying on the pavement.

Nearby, the man worked in the bushes, moving bags of bark.

The officer approached and asked the man what he was doing.

Nearby, the man worked in the bushes, moving bags of bark. The officer approached and asked the man what he was doing.

The man, 35, said he was spreading bark for the owner.

The officer said it was an odd time for an odd job.

The man said he understood. He was on his way to get food at a nearby restaurant, he said, and suddenly remembered he’d forgotten to spread the bark as promised.

The officer asked for the man’s name and identification.

A records check revealed multiple arrest warrants, including two from the city of Fife. The man was taken to the Fife City Jail and booked on the warrants, and given a verbal warning about bike-riding at night without a helmet or a light.

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