Saying “I do” to my partner and myself

A wedding in less than two months has me thinking a lot about happiness. People tend to quantify a relationship’s value by asking, “Do they make you happy?”

I have found that a partner’s ability to make the other happy is an inappropriate measure of a relationship’s durability.

Someone very influential to my fiancé and me once told us that it is not our job to make each other happy. We can try to prevent conflict from flooding in, and we can participate in activities that our partner enjoys, but ultimately it is the duty of the individual to be happy within one’s own self.

As a millennial, I am told often that my generation is hedonistic, seeking the fastest form of pleasure at any expense. I find myself wondering if that connotation carries over from tangible things into emotions.

Forever happiness should not be something that is handed to someone, and I believe that my generation is actually cognizant of that. New research shows that marriage rates are declining and the age of those getting married continues to climb.

I hear older generations speak of mine as independent, in an almost negative way. Is exploring solitude and self a bad thing? And maybe our generation’s tendency towards self-satisfaction helped our environments.

More college students are pursuing majors in the arts as creative industries are soaring to new heights; unique careers are popping up left and right, and incredible inventions are being created every minute.

It cannot be denied, the world has benefitted from people’s ability to look into themselves and find what lights their inner fire.

I believe there are two kinds of happy. One is fleeting, on the surface, easily influenced. The other is deep, lasting and influential. Someone can give you a smile, laughter or giddy butterflies in your stomach. But an ability to sit by yourself and feel content is happiness that only you can control.

In a perfect world of intrapersonal enlightenment, individuals choose to take positivity or poison away from interactions with others.

The ability for one person to make another happy is such a monumental and unattainable feat. That expectation of relying on someone to dictate your emotions and thoughts is too lofty, and creates pressure and an idea that something is lacking in the relationship.

When I was younger, I fantasized about marrying someone who completed me. People tend to yearn for someone to fill all their voids, and pick up the pieces that have fallen from them.

But now that I am in a relationship that I know will stand the test of time and life, I see that everyone has baggage and scars. So why do we put it on others to sew us back together when they desire the same treatment?

In marrying him, I vow to shower him in as much positivity as I can and to ward off any negativity. But also in marrying him, I vow to continue to work on myself, and to fall in love with myself every day.

I vow to bring my smiles and cheery attitude to our home because I am full in myself, not because he was in a good mood that day and it perked me up. Marriage is technically committing to someone else, but I have learned that it is also about committing to self-growth and improving yourself for you and another.

I want my husband to be gifted with the best version of me, and only I can produce that. Since learning this, I thank my future husband every day. Not for completing me, but for complementing me.

This story was originally published July 23, 2017 at 2:41 PM with the headline "Saying “I do” to my partner and myself."